Date:   9/16/2006 2:55:21 PM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   1,778
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=737040

Dear Sofia,

Thank you for saying 'un-structured' and 'un-system'. You have exactly described me, in a way I hadn't yet noticed.

For most of my life I've been trying to understand other people's ways, and not been a successful scholar.

Could it be that we must each find our own way? ...Perhaps by trial and error?

How wise you are to write...

"I don't know if I would feel a bit ridiculous, listening to such a tape, a good reason to try and see how my sense of humour is doing.

In general, the un-structured way of fledging would suit me, but one of the two: either the resistences on an issue are weak, then I can deal with it as I've always done, just deciding I can change my mind after all; or they are strong, and in that case I've got to be careful to not be fooled by my mind and its tricks, and the un-system of fledging would be the perfect place for my mind to perform at best. I saw it when I stopped smoking, god how many times did I have to try before succeeding... so subtle argumentations... so obvious lies...so pathetic negotiations! ahah! it was quite an acrobacy to get through all that theatre..."

Acrobatics? Theatre? Sense of humour? Weak and strong resistance?

That's all we have! It's everything! It's life! It's beautiful!

When we were children, someone said that we are all as different as snowflakes...and that no two snowflakes were the same.

It took a lot of mind-stretching to get myself around that one, I must tell you!

The message I got from my up-bringing was to follow the teachings of my elders. But those teachings were inadequate in my life experience...and my thoughts were like 'monkeys in a barrel'...just the same as everyone else, as I finally learned.

Someone suggested we try walking naked in our neighbourhood, late at night...to experience true freedom.

I did, in a way. I covered myself completely in a clown costume, and walked in a parade with strangers.

Suddenly I was up against all my own insecurities.

Could I be recognized? (No, not until we took our masks off, later. And no one cared even then, they didn't know me. All they could think of was that I was quite a bit older than they. Hah!)

Walking along, how could I be 'funny'? (The answer to that one, of course, was to interact with the other clowns. ...And many were too busy with our own thoughts and feelings. We needed to practice. Those who already knew each other did much better.)

Still, I went on to thoroughly enjoy the memory...I hugged it to myself.

When I tried to share it with the ex, I was scoffed at...proof positive that I was crazy. Oh, sure!

The 'monkeys in a barrel' simply lead to many different possibilities. Picking the ones we like best, and going with them, acting on them, is the great adventure.

You quit smoking? Oh, joy! (Fledgling falls to her knees and bows her nose to the floor, arms outstretched.) "Lead on, dear Sophia!"

My best,

fledgling
 

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