Date:   5/8/2005 3:56:47 PM ( 20 y ago)
Hits:   3,007
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=724568

Mr Cooties- I do think that is an important issue that does come up often and I am more than happy to share my thoughts on the subject. While some people believe that it is a choice I know that in my case I was born gay. I realized at a very young age, possible 6th or 7th grade, that I was not attracted to girls. Instead, I found that I was attracted to other boys.

Unfortunately, I denied my true feelings and tried to live my life as if I was just like everyone else. I did my best to fit in and act the way everyone else acted. I actually thought I could go through life living that way. But the truth is that I was miserable. I was miserable of pretending and being afraid that I would be found out. It was a secret I became all too tired of trying to keep. This is not a time that I think back on fondly, as I was often depressed, unhappy and suicidal. The fear and thoughts of self hatred were all too overwhelming. I felt condemned by myself, by my church and by society. It was difficult to hear when friends and family expressed their views of homosexuals, saying they were disgusting or evil. I dealt with all of this in silence for many years. Too long, now that I look back on it. So when the issue of choice comes up, trust me I did not make the choice to be gay. There were many days I was even mad at God for making me gay. At the time, all I wanted was to be able to get married, have children and enjoy life as an upstanding Catholic. To live life the way everyone else did. At my darkest moments, I even thought I was cursed. No matter how difficult, I thought I could live what I consisdered a normal life.

But it just became too difficult. I was tired of hating myself and feeling miserable. As I grew older, I started to question my church and my own thoughts on homosexuality. Though it was a long process, I have come full circle. I now see my being gay as a gift from God, which is such an amazing experience for me. I am happier now that I have accepted who I am, than I have ever been in my entire life. The only choice I made in all of this was to accept the person God intended me to be. I am now able to love myself and others in the truest sense of the word. I have transformed myself emotionally and spiritually. I am finally free of the burdens I put upon myself. Like I said, I am happier now then ever before. I am just gald I realized all this before i let even more precious time pass me by.

I hope this answers your question. I know I tend to be a little verbose at times. :)




 

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