Date:   2/1/2006 1:57:09 AM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   2,027
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=669916

This is to Alikat and anyone else careing to read it. Well, you must have assumed I might try to be vindictive since you said that. Sure, I'll admit I was hurt and angry but no I'm not going to go break any of his stingy little bones over it. lol No worry. I'm just kidding. No, I'm just like anybody I might have some fleeting fly-by-night vindictive thoughts but I'm not the kind of wicked person to ever act on any such thoughts. My good inside me way overpowers any evil. I was the giver in the relationship and I asked for very little in return. I got very little in comparison to what I gave. I wrote him an email saying that I'd back off and perhaps we'd go out on Valentines day if I could get ahold of a few bucks. Now I'm saying this to a guy who's got money in the bank and I myself being penniless. But then I wrote him back later Monday night saying if he was going to reject my affections again I might as well not come back and see him again. And that I kind of left it open for him to respond but that at the same time I wouldn't hold my breath in so many words or I had little hope he would. I said I just couldn't go back and face the pain of rejection again. Tonight or should I say last night now, I was wondering what in the world was there really to love about him and did I just love his looks or something. I mean I couldn't count on him for anything. I couldn't go to him to even borrow $5 or even $1 for that matter. I'd make little request for things I needed like for example I needed a used phone and the answer was "no" and other little request for quarters to do laundry, or a pop out of the machine or $3 to get a paper notorized for a job I needed to apply for and he answered "no" to all these little request I make last November that added up to less then $20. Now this is a guy who made $1000 up until May of 2005 anyway and admitted he sent not even $100 home a year and who lived miserly on like a total of $400 a month I'm estimated maximum ($200 for rent included utilities & had no phone or other bills) and so if he saved half of his money - he'd have thousands in the bank now. He'd have saved thousands in the past 5 years. He probably had savings before he came to this town and he was in the US for 2 years before he came here. I never cared about his money but he talked about it so much and cryed poor so much and said "I need money, I need money, I need money" so much that it got me to thinking about how much money he did have. He rarely took me out on any dates and when he did it was when I practically insisted or begged and it was only for a couple of drinks, never dinner. Anyways so tonight I started getting kind of mad to think of what is wrong with me and what there was to really love about such a stingy and greedy person such as this. A man who wouldn't tell me what he had in the bank and if he really had no money then why be so secretive about it. (?) What is wrong with me that I would be so pathetic a woman as to give and give and give to him and expect so little in return when he could have done at least a little more for me. He could have shown me just a little generosity. He did pay one bill for me amazingly and he bought me a bus pass every month and he paid me to go to the dentist a couple times for $15 each. But when you take into consideration all the many hours of my time (my time is valuable) that I worked on his job search, his resume (short and long form) and assisted him with his dissertation and just sit with him long hours in his computer lab and many hours I was very bored since he wouldn't even let me on the internet for some reason. I found out months later he could have easily let me on the internet on his account - the computers had 2 monitors and 2 keyboards and in Dec we both got on them. For some reason he didn't want me working on things I needed to work on, he just wanted me to sit and be bored - just sit by him while and watch him do his work (like some doormat or something). And all along with promises of marriage and a future together and that I'd help him land a job and we'd all (me, him and my 25 yr old son) would move out of this boring town to a more exciting city when he graduated and got his phd in May, 2006. And then he talks to his mom upon my insistence (I thought I was being thoughtful) on Christmas night and then all those agreements and promises were soon to be broken. But why would I want a greedy, stingy guy like this anyways? What is wrong with me? Don't I think I deserve so much better. He had an African friend who went to him every 3-4 weeks to borrow $20 (no problem) and I couldn't go to him and borrow $5. And I asked him in Jan if I could borrow $20 over the phone and said I'd pay him back that our business was picking up (actually it's not going so good) and he goes "I'm not an ATM machine. I asked after he brought up that the friend had just borrowed money from him again. And it un-nerved me. Oh well our wonderful (or perhaps not so wonderful after all) love relationship is over now. But what I really don't get is in allot of respects we did have a very beautiful relationship and how is it he couldn't value it. (?) His African friend even would see us together and go "oh, you make such a perfect couple" - he just said that seeing us walking together in January - although we'd stayed up in his lab talking all night since he wouldn't allow me to go up to his room with him and I walked him to his bldge but he still didn't allow me to go up to his room. And we happened to run into his friend who likes to borrow the $20. His friend hadn't noticed how thin he's (my Xbf) had gotten from not eating (not taking care of himself). I mean we had long interesting conversations together. We watched tv and comedy's and laughed together. We cuddled together in my arm chair reclyner. We were very affectionate and kissed and held each other allot. We spent every other night together and sometimes 2-3 nights in a row. We held each other all night. We snuggled. We made beautiful and passionate love pretty regularly. In many ways we had a very rich & positive relationship and even besides the big money difference and even cultural difference we got along very well together. I really didn't think he would ever leave me. I thought the relationship was strong. I still can hardly believe it. And dispite his stinginess, I still hold those wondrous moments are very dear and precious to my heart. I just have to wonder if it wasn't a relationship more worth fighting for. And have I done the right thing in giving up on it. And have I given up to easily? We had many wonderful and good times together. The negative seem very small in comparason to the positives. It's very sad and disappointing. It is a shame he couldn't have been more of a man though - a man his lady could have counted on. Am I really doing the right thing when this is the best love relation ship I have ever had and I really don't care about his money or the things money can buy. He can keep all his money and let it collect dust in his bank account. I just want his love and all his kisses and cuddles if he would still give them to me. What am I suppose to do now? Do I really just accept it ending like it has? Do you think there's the slightest chance I will ever hear from him again?
 

<< Return to the standard message view

fetched in 0.02 sec, referred by http://www.curezone.org/forums/fmp.asp?i=669916