Date:   1/1/2006 5:39:59 AM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   2,188
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=669753

Here we are celebrating New Year's at our computers. Doesn't get much worse then that does it?

Yesterday, just as we were preparing for New Year's (we both like to celebrate it!), and were coming back from shopping for gifts for our baby (baby's first new year's), we were entering the building and as I was holding the doors for my wife to go through with the stroller and whatnot, she gets mad at me for holding the door. She goes something like "I've told you a million times I HATE IT when people hold the door for me! I am much better at holding my own door...". As usual, this comes as a shock to me, not the thing about the door, but her attack and attitude; I mean a minute ago we were in a holly jolly mood, with gifts and all, and now she hates my guts. To make it worse, that morning before shopping she put me down a few times, talking to baby and blaming me for some stuff... I don't even remember any more, but it hurt and I told her and she appologized. Nothing easier for her then to screw up and then appologize. It's her "get out of jail free" card. Why bother changing one's ways when you can just do same-old-same-old and then appologize?

So I told her that I usually hold the doors for her, that she even said how others don't know how to do it, but I do, and that if she really didn't want me to hold those doors, she should've said so! Didn't help. She turned into a bitch for the rest of the day, and that's how our new year's was... she does this every time it's something important - at least one or two other new years that I remember, one or two pleasure/business trips (like to New Orleans or Mexico) and so on. If it means something to me, she will screw it up (i'd use a much stronger "f word" here but I'm trying to stay polite).
Not to mention that I was the one who prepared all the fancy food for the New Year's while she was taking care of the baby, I did all the shopping, and at the same time I am running a business which is going through major growth these months.

Nuts isn't it?

As far as 'crazy'...

Hmmm, I am of the opinion that any person living in denial is to some extent - nuts. Perfectly healthy to me means someone who has good observation, and whose thoughts, perceptions and actiosn as well as emotions work in harmony for the benefit of that person and the rest of the world. Looking at it like that, we are all nuts to some extent. The question is - at what point are we "too nuts".

I don't think that she is mentally ill, but I do think that if she continues like this, she will be. My former wife was similar in some ways, and today I think she is nuts. She used to be just irresponsible and lazy; but now she's been lying to herself and others to cover up her mistakes, that she's gone into some sort of neverland where only people who are similar to her can follow her. Others feel immediately repulsed. That's probably how people become mental cases in the first place.

For the end: I read quite a bit about Edgar Cayce . If you haven't it's not a bad idea to do so. He also advised people on relationships. He was a big time believer - he read bible once every year, tought Sunday school, and so on. Judging by his 10,000 or so "readings" which he gave to sick people in some sort of self induced hypnosys, and never making a mistake, he really knew what he was doing. It doesn't matter whether you are a believer or what is you religion; what matters is that what Edgar Cayce had to say about many things, was very very likely true, even though it was different from the norm. Well in his readings, I've seen those which DID advise people to divorce. A lot of times this was because of physical abuse or alcohol and such; but at other times it was just because one person didn't appreciate the other and was mentaly abusing her/him. Since he lived in the 1800s and 1900s, this abuse was coming mostly from the husband. Today, I think both sexes are equally capable of it. Back then, it was "normal" for a woman to be somehow subordinated to her husband, and husbands probably took advantage of that. I can't really understand it, but it seems that there is still a lot of that today.

So, to sum it up, my conclusions: yes it is possible that one person is screwing up while other is not. In that respect, it is of utmost importance to be on guard against our own mistakes and responses - not to be provoked to do or say something we'd rather not want to "explaing to God" some day. It is also possible that one partner is screwing up so badly that the other should leave, even with kids and all.

The million dollar question that arises is: "At what point should one leave?"

There are so many things that affect that, from kids to money to who-knows-what, that it's quite hard.

For me - I haven't had honest/good sex in about 10 yrs, haven't had sex where my wife was not pretending during all that time, haven't had any sex at all for more then a year (I am so disgusted by the idea of having sex with her), haven't had a problem that I could verbally resolve with my wife (at least not before I am totaly disgusted by her stubborness and lack of interest and understanding), and had most of my important and pleasurable moments distroyed by her unjustified anger, agressivness and egoism. Yet, if she only opened her mind a bit, she could be a loving and understanding person tomorrow, which she is even today, but only sometimes.

But that tomorrow never comes...

Happy 2006 and may it bring us inspiration to do the right thing!
 

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