Date:   12/24/2005 7:58:07 AM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   2,330
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=669691

... in case the first version was too preachy and hurt anybody's feelings.

Hi, I'm just wondering, if it is ok to ask, what age range we are talking here. 14? 35? Different ages offer a different set of options.

Sounds like you both get along and enjoy each other's company, and that's a lovely thing. And ok, you are interested in a Christian courtship. So it would be interesting to know how you both view what that means, and whether it's come up in conversation, and whether you are both in some kind of fellowship with, say, a pastor couple presiding over it all.

It is possible that your boyfriend is assuming that you will set the pace here and will determine the form of your expressions of caring for one another. And by that I don't mean constantly moving his hand away and trying to bargain with him while he is feeling all warm and effusive. This method takes a lot of energy and time, and can really wear a person down. And, historically speaking, its success rate is rather unimpressive.

But you have LOTS of options for setting the tone and atmosphere of your times together. What kinds of dates do you like? Sometimes just deciding on the kind of date is a very expressive way to show where you stand. Many girls don't know this. Many couples with the best intentions agree to spend the evening alone, or at his house, or parked in his car, or after 3 glasses of wine with dinner, or watching a movie with a lot of physical expression in it, or camping out in the woods, or on his boat. If you make plans like these, sometimes it might signal more of a go-ahead intention than you might have realized. Another intention signal is clothing. And really, honest, I am not making judgments here about some styles over others, and I firmly believe that any woman or girl deserves respect no matter what she wears, and I know that a lot of this depends on the views of one's surrounding culture. It's just that I learned by hard experience that some certain men on a date (and gentlemen, I'm not saying it's true for all of you!) would scrutinize my clothing choices and come to all sorts of conclusions, as if an outfit were a nautical weather flag or a matador cape.

As far as I can tell, your boyfriend is a healthy normal affectionate guy with years to wait until matrimony. There is nothing wrong with the way he feels. But ideally (call me romantic) an especially sensitive lover will sense when his partner is suddenly uncomfortable or disconcerted by something he does, and in a perfect world he will be interested in keeping his partner comfortable and harmoniously in synch with him.

It's perfectly possible to be warm, loving, and sweet, and also real resourceful about finding wonderful interesting things to do which will also keep you on course for your long term goal.

(Little Note: The following is not a religious pitch, folks. It's just that the sister has made a choice and it sounds as if she would like some support around it.)

Since you mentioned being a Christian, have you checked out Elisabeth Elliot? (http://www.elisabethelliot.org/) She specializes in this topic. I read "Quest for Love," and while I can't always agree with her (for example, I actually don't think it's advisable for a young girl to marry without ever having kissed her fiance), if you aspire to a chaste courtship she certainly will dish out a lot of support for it.

Blessings to you both, let us know how you are doing,
A


 

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