Date:   11/24/2005 3:15:32 PM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   2,249
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=669545

You have given me a new perspective. I am a hopeless romantic and I feel like I give and give and I never get back the same. My first husband constantly put me down and verbally abused me. He would litterally tell me that I wasn't as smart as he since I didn't finish college. Just pop things out like that at dinner. He would tell me that I would have the perfect body if I would just loose five pounds. When his day didn't go right he would get home and call me "bitch", say "f-y" and other worse names. Every day!! I was with him for six years. His own mother and brother told me to leave him. They don't even keep in touch with him. My second relationship I was engaged and he died in a car wreck. My third I met six months after the death of my fiance and kind of fell into it from being so broken hearted from the death. He made my first husband look like an angel. He tried to beat me and cursed at me continuosly. He didn't show his true colors until after we married. He even burned my pictures of my dead fiance' and cut up my furniture with an ax! That is when I left him. His ex wife told me she wanted to tell me how he was, but didn't want to interfere. She had a restraining order on him. I almost had to get one during the divorce. We were only married three months. Boy all of that mess! No wonder I just want to be loved!

I just wanted you to know all of that because I didn't just walk out because I didn't feel loved. There was a lot more to it.

My mother was very hard on me growing up. I think that is why I feel the need to prove my self to men and get attention. My father tried to stand up for me but my mother would threaten him with divorce if he tried to take my side. Who knows why I am so screwed up.

So any way here I am in my mid thirties wanting to find a life partner and I am just trying to make sure I am not wasting my time. Ya know? I'm trying to learn from life lessons, and the main one I seem to be learning is that you cannot change someone. That is why I am wondering if this man will ever come around. I don't want to waste another three to six years when I should be focusing on my self and my daughter not trying to make someone be the way I want them to be.

I just found a neat church that I am going to start going to. My bf works on Sundays, plus he lives an hour away so he can't go with me, but I'm wondering if he even would if he lived here. It's mainly the holidays that get me down because I have been alone for five years on the holidays and I feel like I am still a teenager with out a life.

I'm sorry that I keep getting off subject, but this brings out more than just our relationship because I have a lot to deal with too, and it's like he's the only one who ever got hurt.

I am going to take your advice and check out that book. I think I have heard of it before. Thank you for all of your understanding, it definately helped make a difference in my life. I just need to figure out were to start! lol
 

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