Date:   6/30/2005 6:33:36 PM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   1,123
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=668817

Hey all

Im having a slight problem, and its gonna take some explaining so please get ready to read!.

basically, i guess you could say im paranoid, though i have never been diagnosed. when it comes to relationships i just worry, worry worry worry non-stop and im scared that im going to lose my girlfriend because of it.

In my first ever proper-ish relationship, when i was around 13 with sum girl called Amy (i knwo it was a long time ago but it may be a causing factor) i was cheated on while i was on a 2 week camp with the army cadets. i cried, i was sad but hell it was years ago who cares? ok so then afew rough relationships later i was semi-cheated on, basically she was flirting (diff girl) madly with a few kids in her town, almost led to sex but she stopped just before because she diddnt want to hurt me, but it still did and before long we split up. My next real girlfriend called Louise lasted for about 5 months. she meant a hell of alot to me at the time, i thought she was everything i wanted, i lost my virginity to her i properly loved her met her parents etc. she went to an all girls school and her parents forbid her from seeing anyone, including me during the weekdays so it was basically the weekends that i saw her. after a while she got a job at the local pub in her vilage and was working there happily for all i knew.

while she was round mine one day she checked her e-mails on my pc, i saw one in her inbox titled "i love you". as soon as i noticed it i asked her and she shrugged it off saying it was just a girl who she did a favor for or something. i saw on the name it was from "NIK" but i could have been wrong and thought nothing of it. when she went my curiosity and "panic" got the better of me and i checked the history and got onto the site, password encryption meant that i had all her details saved including username and password on my pc. i felt like quite the detective and logged into her e-mails. i read the e-mails and found out the this "NIK" GUY had come round her house after work the previous day while her parents were out and slept with her, it was her organisation and he lived in london so she had no excuse of saying it was a drunken fling either. this hurt... hurt alot.

im with the girl of my dreams now, called Katie, i really love her, trust me when i said i loved lousie it was nothing compared to the feelings i feel for katie. everything seems to be right. we have been together for along time now too. she is very pretty and as a result alot of the girls at school dont exactly like her due to jelousy because boys they were with sarted to like katie etc. that was along time ago we have just left school now but they still carry the hatred. we see each other as much as we can and her parents love me etc. she has just recently got a job in the local pub, almost all her colleagues are men etc. and already on her first day she got offered 2 lifts home. she is constantly being flirted with by boys everywhere, when were walking downtown we get about 3 beeps from people in cars etc. its really annoying. i just worry so much, how easy would it be for her to cheat on me? and why wouldnt she want to eh? its not like i stand any chanse of finding out? she si a flirty girl as it is? what if she just got abit thrifty and slipped her guard round the back or something? these feelings hurt me so much inside, they tear me apart, i do tell her sometimes but she kinda gets frustrated with my paranoidness etc. all i want is to be able to say "i know she wont ill be fine" but i cant, i just cant, im using work as an example here i feel like this with many other things. its like, i could say that, but in a few seconds i will be thinking, "what if?"

im really really afraid that im going to end up driving her away, she tells me how much she loves me and i DO trust her i DO but why the hell cant i stop worrying!, sometimes i just wanna cry and break up but i cant do that either. She trusts me alot and why cant i just show her the same.

please someone help me, i fear, all day, sometimes i cant sleep, when she goes on family holidays im thinking about what if right now she is sleeping with some spanish bloke and i wouldnt be none the wiser. what if she right now is round the back of the hotel with some other british holidaygoer at the same resort having fun? how am i supposed to tell. these toughts pry on my mind, i just want to stop thinking them, they probly hurt me more than she would if she did actualy do these things. i even panic if i hear she has been socialising with a boy or something, because "WHAT IF?" he is more than a friend she is tlking to, what if he knows more than me?

but its ok when im with her, i never seme to feel these things, i just feel love and compassion, but its onyl when im alone. i really do love her

please pelase i need help, do i have some kind of medical condition?

cheers for reading

Guy
 

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