Date:   8/26/2004 10:10:44 AM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   1,254
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=666843

My husband was one of those men that started drinking very early, I want to say 13. When I first met him he just seemed to be fun and enjoying life, and as I said years have gone on and he isn't so fun loving anymore. His lack of responsibility has caused financial difficulties so at the age he is (almost 40) he should be sitting back, a little, reaping the rewards of working hard for a lot of years on his own business, but instead he has handled things poorly and finds that he has to work harder than he ever did. He finds that depressing, or that is what I am guessing. I don't see that men share their feelings readily, so I find that sometimes you have to keep your eyes and ears open all the time to know what they are going through at any given moment. I have spent so many years taking care of him, so to speak. I think sometimes, as I did when I was leaving, how lost he would be without me, but I am sure he would find some other poor soul to put up with him. I used to think I was the only one foolish enough to do it, but there are way too many women out there that get walked all over this way. It is hard because I know in his own, pathetic way, he loves me. He knows he doesn't know how to show it. When I did go to marriage counseling with him, when I made that big mistake, the counselor said he needed 7 days a week of Alcoholics-Anonymous. Not a very good sign. Well, as you can imagine, that doctor went from (in my husbands eyes) the greatest thing since sliced bread to a quack in a matter of seconds. He knew nothing, and so, that is where the therapy stopped, and he refuses to ever see another one.
I really do appreciate your ear, and I hope this gives me just the support I need to get through all that I need to do. I have the money for my divorce, or will. I just refinanced my house to get his truck fixed and little does he know, enough for our divorce. I had it before but I used it to start my little online business, so this time I put the money in a safe place where I can't use it for anything, but. I have just kept waiting for him to change and just live with it, but I just don't want to. I want the "chance" to be happy. My lawyer said I would get the house and he would have to pay until I could take care of it myself. I would stay for a while and then sell it and even just rent if I had to. Yesterday, I had some errands to do, and while I was out, I talked to everyone about childcare and let them know I might be going back to work part time/full time and this gentleman that owns the insurance agency we do business with offered me a job, he will train me, send me to school to learn the insurance business. He told me to get my resume in the mail to him today, so that is my mission today. I am so thrilled. What a step. I am lucky in that way. I have never had to really look for a job, they have just kind of fallen into my lap, the right place at the right time sort of thing. I think it would have been better if it hadn't worked that way, but I have to be thankful that at least one thing seems to go right for me. It would be incredible to have a job again, have my own place with my boys and just worry about us. The thought of it is just incredible. Well, I better get in the shower and exercise and get going, I have a lot to accomplish today, as with every day, but you know what I mean. Thanks again for the ear. Take care.
 

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