Date:   11/20/2003 5:07:52 PM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   13,853
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=664016

You know what...you are so spot on the money. I thought that by telling everyone what i had done, i was making myself accountable. But i think i was really just letting everyone know in case i did it again. Oh pooh...i thought it was a good idea!

I'm not sure why my boyfriend has excepted me back as it wasn't a 'once off'. He says that he loves me and that if i can change, then it will work. And i wan't to change. Is it as simple as just not doing it??

And everyone talks about 'soul searching', but in all honesty...what is it, and how do you do it? Those words, 'escape', 'punishment', 'approval', 'attention', maybe even 'adrenalin' and 'chaos'...they all ring a bell. How on earth can i find out why i want these things?

My mum is a counsellor and she said that we re-create past situations in our current relationships. She said that maybe i'm doing it because i want to be rejected...like my dad rejected me?

Pattern? Gosh, i don't know. It's just about getting attention i think, and someone to like me. I don't know, maybe i think if a guy will take me home to bed then i must be something special. But i guess that sounds pretty stupid.

And cheating myself? I'm cheating myself out of the life i want to lead maybe. These questions are all so hard and i don't know where the answers are. I know you're right when you say they are 'inside', but WHERE? How do i find them?

I'm LOST.
 

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