Date:   2/4/2003 1:39:00 AM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   997
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=61664

I hope that someone out there can help me. I was with my boyfriend for 5 years. He was my first love--- we met at our first job, when i was seventeen. I lost my virginity to him. We spent all of our spare time together. We planned a future together. After 2 1/2 years of dating, we moved out of our parent's houses, and rented an apartment together. We did have our share of arguments and problems, but I knew that our love for eachother could get us through anything. Well, after living together for 2 1/2 years, I found out that he was seeing another girl. He insists that nothing ever happened--- seeing as she is married. But I was so heartbroken that I told him we were through. I started packing up my things, and moved back in with my parents. I tried to stay in touch with him, even if it was just as friends. He was such a big part of my life for so many years-- I didn't want to write him out of it. Two weeks after I left him, I slept with him. He told me that this in no way meant that we were getting back together, but I wanted so badly to be close to him again. Then I didn't talk to him for a few weeks. I slept with him again the first day that I spoke to him again. I asked him if he would be willing to try again in our relationship, and he said that he wasn't ready for that, and he didn't know if he'd ever be. He told me that he didn't want me to get my hopes up. Of course, this completely crushed me. A few days later, I calmly told him that I didn't want him to call me anymore, unless it was to tell me he wants to get back together. Since our breakup, he had been calling me for stupid reasons-- such as to tell me I have mail, to ask me how much cat food costs-- really dumb reasons. Anyways, I haven't talked to him in almost three weeks. I see him almost everyday, because we live in the same town, and we both work at the same hospital. He seems to be getting on with his life, but I can't. I just can't get over him. I know it has been only two months since we broke up, but I don't feel any better than I did to begin with. I think about him all of the time. I drive past the apartment to see if he's there. I cry myself to sleep every night, praying that he will come back to me. The only thing that ever makes me feel better is thinking that we will be back together someday. I even have myself convinced that he will send me flowers on Valentine's day, and tell me that he loves me. I feel like this was the man I was meant to be with for the rest of my life. I love him so much, and I feel like my heart is broken. I don't feel like I am whole without him. Please, if there is anyone out there that has been through this, help me out. Does it ever get any better?
 

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