Date:   1/21/2003 10:58:53 AM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   2,044
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=61541

Hi,

I have another acquaintance who is really attracted to beautiful, size 0, psychotic women. He had one as a girlfriend for quite awhile. Even married her. She had this particular problem -- blowing up over nit picky little details, especially whenever he had friends around. Then she'd later forget about it as if nothing ever happened -- no apology, not even much recollection -- it's as if Ms. Jeckel became Ms. Hyde for awhile, no magic drug required.

Or maybe she already drank it, or her body produced it naturally....

Anyway, my acquaintance had some difficulty with this, so he told her that if she could knock this behavior off for three months, they'd get married. And for three months, she didn't have one of these episodes at all.

So the proposal was made.

And one week later... boom. Big blow up.

She proved that she had it within her to be in control of her own behavior and not (nearly) constantly find fault in him, but she wouldn't ever choose to do it on her own. Considering how much fault she would routinely find in him, it's a bit baffling why she wanted to get married to him at all.

The marriage ended in divorce within a year.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I control my feelings and reactions, and it took the possibility of losing something (someone) important for me to muster the desire to assume that control and stop blaming others for my actions ("Well, if *you* hadn't... blah, blah, blah...").

I control all my own feelings -- even when I mistakenly believe(d) that feelings were a consequence of others' actions. That's rough. You mean to tell me that I've been a complete jerk *by choice*? Ouch.

I used to fly off the handle over stupid things, too. I could (can...) read all sorts of hidden meaning into what other people did (do...). It was almost as if there was this ever-present threat of a vast Conspiracy to treat me rudely and as unimportant.

The irony...

I would also often angrily accuse other people of exactly the thing(s) I was doing or had done (to them!). If anyone behaved in any way even remotely resembling concern for themselves, for example, well, that was being selfish and inconsiderate. Never mind how selfish and inconsiderate I was being -- that's what they were doing (to me!), darn it, and that *makes* me mad!

As long as I believed in that phrase, "makes me mad", I was a walking machine whose buttons could not only be pushed, but were sticking out in people's way, begging to be pushed, bumping in to others and "getting" pushed. Just being around me was an exercise in trying not to push whatever buttons I had chosen to expose that day.

I'm feeling much better now... *grin*

The point of all this rambling is that you've got yourself a girlfriend who you've only known for a short while and, at the first sign of relationship distress, went into a wild tirade and started accusing you of things you hadn't even considered, without so much as an attempt to consider your side of the issue.

This sounds oh so vaguely like me and others I have known...

I also used to do that mad letter thing. *wink*

So, beware. The fact that she point-blank accused you of making her choose between you and her sister sends up a big red warning flag that you can expect her to attempt to make you choose between her and pretty much everyone else -- or else. And you can expect irrational blow-ups at various moments, some expected, some not. The more public and sensational the blow up can be, the more likely it is to occur. You can expect attempts to make you feel wrong or guilty over things you've done, but nothing you will tell her will ever get her to consider that maybe she could, oh, meet you half way? Nope, not gonna happen.

Good luck with this one.

=-John-=

 

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