Date:   1/18/2003 9:58:40 AM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   3,329
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=61505

It is my belief that a live-in relationship needs to follow the same path as a marriage, with the same guidelines.The same ingredients are required for success- trust,loyalty,open communication,a willingness to quickly solve problems as they arise,and so on. It is also my belief and my observation of those folk in succesful relationship/marriages that they regard their marriage as the "main event".By this I mean that their partner/spouse is their number one priority.Loyalty to the spouse comes before children,mothers and fathers,brothers and sisters, friends,workmates, golfing buddies, the girls coffee group and of course,exgirl/boyfriends.In Lilac's case,she made a reasonable request that her guy dump the naked pics of his ex,--these images are very powerful reminders of very intimate moments with another person.If you break up and leave a person behind, then why not leave these intimate things behind too? I can easily see why Lilac wanted them trashed.Quite understandably she wanted to be her guy's one and only romantic and sexual interest.When he did not get rid of them, but just moved them, he put his desire to keep the photos ahead of his partners feelings about them.Ooops! Next,he moved them to a box in an entertainment unit, and then ARGUED with her about her feelings when she found them,trying to talk her out of being upset. Ooops again!
The reply by "John" irritated me too. He missed the point mostly and trivialised Lilac's upset by calling it a "common jealousy thing" -I have met people like him before.Their attitude seems to be that if person A acts badly toward person B and B is angry then person B needs to'own'their feelings and accept that one's feelings are entirely a personal internal experience and therefore person B has,and is the problem -New Age crap at it's most irritating!
Lilac, stand up for your feelings and speak up when you are not being treated as you wish. You two will be OK ultimately if you set up some minimum expectations and tell him about them....jophil
 

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