Date:   1/18/2003 12:47:18 AM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   3,251
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=61503

My reply after the “L”:

J: You can be angry about anything you want. The question is: is your anger going to make the situation better or worse?
I have an acquaitance who recently got married. His spouse actually asked him to marry her. When it came time to decide on the last name issue, she refused to change hers to his. He got upset about it. Eventually, over time, he got over it and accepted the fact that she had a right to have her name whatever she wanted it to be. Then, amusingly enough, she decided that she wanted to take his name.
Funny how that works.
You're the one with the problem with the pictures, so I wouldn't be surprised if he's putting you through some sort of subconscious test at the moment. Will you throw the pictures out? You're the one that has the problem with him. Will you be the one to take his past away from him?

L: I would not take away anything that he would not want to give. The problem is that he SHOULD want to. A name is like your soul and that means something personal which is okay. These pictures SHOULD mean nothing so if he has a problem separating from them that means he feels something about them. I have no problem with him keeping the clothed ones! But if I found out he still wanted this girl then there would be a serious problem. If he’s tesing me that is fine. Know that I am also testing him.

J: All you're doing is admitting that your relationship isn't strong enough to handle him keeping momentos from his past that you object to. But you're trying to get him to prove that the relationship is, however, strong enough that he'll do something for you that he'd rather not do. Sounds pretty manipulative -- and not in a good way.

L: So your saying these naked pictures are exceptable momentos. He has other pictures of her. Nevermind, You're just hopeless! Yes I’m a manipulative b**ch because I got upset over him wanting to keep naked pictures of his ex. DO YOU LISTEN TO YOURSELF??? It sounds to ME like your taking this personal? Is this something YOU do??? Have naked pictures of all you ex’s?


J: I'll bet if you'd taken the pictures you found to him and made fun of him about it -- teasing him with not a care in the world whether or not he had those pictures -- he'd be on the road to tossing them out. Maybe he'd have shrugged and tossed 'em into the garbage right then and there. Maybe he'd have wanted to save them, and he'd have put them back somewhere, only to be forgotten again for a few years, then discovered some day, chuckled over and then tossed. Any number of possibilities...

L: OKAY so you think it is better to make fun of your bf/gf than to confront them with the truth about your actual feelings? (Who’s manipulative now?)
What is this a game? So I’ve got to think next time “well, I cant tell him how I really feel but maybe if I just make fun of him he’ll do what I want him to do instead. Or maybe he won‘t” YEAH that’s really healthy for us! You’re a man so you should know that you guys can NEVER guess what we’re feeling you have to be told flat out.

J: But you made him out to be a bad guy for it, and now you, YOU, are choosing to make a big deal out of it. You've even come here to try to get ammo to prove to him how wrong he is. You've even gone so far as to label him abnormal.

L: Actually I talked him right after I thanked Sarah England at his lunch break and we had a nice little discussion and I felt much better, actually, until you came along that is . I didn’t yell and scream and he took it seriously and I told him I know he loves me and didn‘t mean it but that doesn‘t mean it didn’t hurt. You see SOME PEOPLE actually care about each other. I didn’t come here to start a fight I came her to fix a problem and so I have. I’d like to see how you handle things in your relationship(s). I bet you’re the kind of guy that turns everything around and makes it the other persons fault every time they confront you.

J: Your relationship as it stands right now is doomed.

L: WOW! That’s very funny since I JUST now received a very cute message from my boyfriend saying he’ll be home in an hour and that he loves me very much. EVEN after I told him how the pictures hurt me he still loves me! Amazing isn’t it! Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to make him dinner as is my custom on my one day off.

Love,
Lilac



 

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