Date:   1/17/2003 8:11:53 PM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   3,449
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=61499

Hi,

I can advise you, but this is something you get to work out, and my advice might be completely wrong for you. You have been warned.

Why are you concerned about his having naked pictures of his ex-girlfriends? After all, he has memories which no amount of screaming is going to take away from him, and those are far more tantalizing, I'd bet, than mere pictures sitting in a shoe box somewhere.

Or perhaps you'll insist he should wipe his memory of any past relationships? Will you do the same for him? Do you have any love letters you've held onto from past boyfriends?

To me, your reaction is a common jealousy thing, and here's the thing I've learned about jealousy: it only occurs in those who don't know their own worth. I know that the only times I've been jealous is when I've considered myself to be inferior to others, or when I made my opinion of myself depend on the way others treated me. Note that it was me considering that -- no one else was telling me outright that I was something less than everyone else, but I sure could read it into anything anyone else did. And then I'd get mad about it and demonstrate all the typical jealousy reactions -- all because I decided that something someone else did meant that my value as a human being was low.

Like it or not, he had past girlfriends. He might even still have feelings for some of them. It's difficult to say without asking him. But, to me, anyway, I don't have to divide love between people. I don't love my first child half as much when my second child is born -- instead, I have more love. I don't see why it's should be much different with other people, such as past lovers. But that's all in the past...

Granted, the pictures were taken in the buff, which is certainly different than him keeping his yearbooks, for example, but still, they're just images. And, from what you've stated, he didn't exactly "leave them around" for you to find, but had that neatly stashed away in a shoe box. How would you feel if he started digging through your purse?

If you want him to change to be the guy you want him to be, you're only going to end up disappointed in the end -- or he will be. Disappointment does not a good relationship make.

Good luck!

=-John-=

 

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