Date:   11/14/2003 12:41:58 PM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   2,778
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=595180

Jealousy is a form of projected self doubt. You CANNOT control her; her actions, her emotions, her thoughts - none of it. If she wants to move on or just hang out with other people, is her decision and your jealousy will have nothing but a negative affect.

You CAN control YOU. Look into your reasons for feeling jealous - which is actually being afraid. Understand why you want to hold on so tightly. Work on your own self-esteem. Everyone has good and bad qualities. Don't focus on your negative qualities, look into them to turn them into positive ones. For example, don't berate yourself because you "never finish anything" (or whatever.) Instead, look into *why* you don't finish - is it because you become so busy helping other people? Or because you get so interested in so much? These can be turned into Very positive aspects in which you can say "I'm a giving and helpful person" or "I am an interesting and interested person who has multiple talents." From there, you can consciously make the choices to work within your strengths. (That was simply an example of the process, you may finish everything you start - which is a strength itself.)

Look to the positive. Focus on your own growth and on developing your strengths. These are your unique gifts that *YOU* have to share with the world - and in a relationship! As you get more self confident, the jealousy will fade or even disappear. After a while, you'll realize that you'd *much* rather have a relationship in which you both truly want to be together as equal partners and not one in which one of you always feels "less than" or "needs" to be in.

If she truly is the right one, she'll welcome your growth and grow along with you. If it's not supposed to be, you'll be stronger and more able to look at the situation for what it actually is and be free to make peace with the parting and move on.

Good luck!

May we all find what we need.


 

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