Date:   10/21/2003 12:09:08 PM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   1,794
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=594919

hey huh, it's like you are writing my story :-)
everything reminds me of him, especially what i love to do, which is to surf. he surfed all his life btw, and for me it was a way to forget and recharge, he was my partner in so many ways, now its a painful way to remember...but i'll get over it. he's not the only guy in the world who loves the ocean and has same interests as me.

of course it's hard to open up again to someone because he knew me so well i felt really comfortable being myself around him. so many thing i feel cheated out of now, we worked together too!

i have to rebuild my life. and i am. and so will you. i feel better as time goes on. sure i go up and down, but for now im putting away those things that remind me of our love (?). the best thing to do is to surround yourself with your friends, work, and take focus on yourself. you sound like a very giving person, sometimes we give too much. sometimes the giving blinds us to the truth because it feels so good that we don't want to see the reality that we CAN'T change people even if it's for a greater cause.

about 'not feeling' - i think your x really has some intimacy issues. like fear of rejection and fear of committment. he might think that it's better not to feel anything then to feel the pain that comes with life. that is something he's gonna have to deal with himself and no one can help him with it. he's gonna keep placing himself in such situations to awake himself and keep running from then again. maybe he will wake up. maybe with time you will be able to be friends again and laugh about it, maybe it's best to write him completely out of your life. but for now try to think more. what is the logical thing to do, rather then feel the memories.

btw, sometimes what men (and women) call love is the need to be cared for...which is not exactly love. they will say i love you to get things. to feel things. i guess its a start, but it's very one way. these people are very insecure and the moment they feel like they are standing on their own feet again they no longer need to feel that love...and no longer need you. you end up getting caught up in a trap of caring for them, feeling needed (which we mistake for love) and then boom, it's gone and you are left standing there with THEIR baggage!

you are strong cause you are not afraid to love, and you will get more clarity on this as time goes on. i am.

:-D

 

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