Date:   10/13/2003 8:32:04 AM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   1,571
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=594850

My reply was specific to the comment in his post. My issue was with cynical and incorrect prejudice that any female with male friends was automatically suspect. It's not the friends that cause the issue - it's the people within the relationship. That's a subtle (or even not so subtle) but very important difference between shifting or placing blame or taking personal responsibility.

For example, someone who would rather spend more of their waking free time with their friends (no matter what sex they are) than with their chosen mate and who seemingly dismisses their partner's feelings about it is not exactly acting in a mature, responsible manner.

Prehaps you may like to reread my posts again. Actually, even though not directed to the utlg5 but to mtnndeww, my comments are not idealistic or ignorant of the original post. If utlg5 looks deep within the existing 'affectionate friend' relationship they currently have, he may see many of the type problems I stated in my last post. That she obviously didn't seem ready for a stable relationship had already been addressed, but she herself told him that already.

Good relationships require ready, willing, stable, responsible adults on BOTH sides. One responsible partner cannot make one childish or selfish one change. People change from within, not because we want them to. If one person is happy with the way things are, but the other wants to take it to the next level, it won't work. Both have to want it, both have to be willing to work for it, both have to be mature enough to handle it.

To swing it back to my original reply to mtnndeww's contemptuous assessment, just the presence of friends of the opposite sex does not indicate problems or a cheating situation waiting to happen. If both partner's are responsible, mature, and committed to each other, no outside influence from friends will matter. If the people within the relationship are not mature or committed, THEN problems can occur.

Problems within a relationship begin within the relationship. Sorry that I don't see that as idealistic?





 

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