Date:   9/4/2003 1:14:17 AM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   1,445
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=594721

Thank You all for your input. I feel I need to explain a couple of things 1) This is the first and only time anything of this nature has happened for me I DESPISE cheaters (which is a part of what makes this so hard and confusing for me. 2) I didn't go behind my girlfriends back or anything, she knew I was going to the bar with my ex and she was okay with it (a little jealous but okay with it) 3) I didn't want anything to happen. I was being flirted with and I enjoyed it but I made it clear to her on a few occasions that night that while I was flattered I was not interested in her and I am very happy in my relationship. 4) I am realizing that you guys don't have all of the info I posted this same message on another relationship help website and I have recieved a ton of helpful responses and as time has gone by as hings come back to me I have been posting the on that site so I haven't shared some of my revelations with you guys. The most important thing being that I was racking my brains trying to figure out why it seemed so much like a dream and I just figured it was because of the beer, shots, and 4 long island ice teas and while that can alter your mind there is something else important that I figured out. My first recolection of anything is laying down to go to sleep and then the next memory is her giving me oral sex and then her being on top of me I have no idea how we got to that point. I later realized that we got to their place around 4:15 am and I got home at 7:15. Now I know that whatever we did couldnt have lasted more than 5-10 minutes before I realized what was going on. It takes me an hour tops to get from where I was in Manhattan back to Brooklyn Therefore I had to have fallen asleep. Now when I explain this to others everyone seems to think that she began giving me oral while I was alseep. Now personally I don't know if she was as drunk as I was but I can't imagine anyone being that desperate. So the only other explination I can think of is that I thought I was in bed with my girlfriend. I have to emphasize that it's not like I completed the act of sex and then decided okay now that I got my satisfaction i have really messed up. I stopped in the middle of the act when i realized what was going on. I love my girlfriend with all of my heart and I can't understand how I could let this happen. None of you could possibly understand what she means to me. This is not something I would do. My parents were together for 23 years and broke up because of my mother cheating. I do not understand how this could happen. I don't want to blame it on alcohol because I think that is the easy way out. I am not however saying that it didnt play a factor in the situation. If you even understood half of the pain and anguish that I have been through over the past few days while I am waiting for my girlfriend to get back from vacation so I can tell her everything. I couldn't eat for 2 days and I still havent been able to sleep through the night. I am not asking for anyone to feel sorry for me I am just trying to explain my situation. I have plenty of friends that see nothing wrong with cheating but I have always prided myself on my faithfulness and now have lost an incredible amount of respect for myself and Im trying to get over it because If I continued hating myself for it, it would destroy me mentally and physically. In closing I do want to say that I do appreciate your responses because it prepares me for how my girlfriend might react when I finally get to tell her on Monday. I just believe that our love is to strong for this to break us up permanently. What would life be without making huge mistakes and learning from them. I have learned two very important lessons from this so far 1) I need to get my drinking in check, and 2) No matter how much I enjoy someone flirting with me itisn't smart to feed into it because as smart as I think I am sometimes there are situations out there that I am not equipted for.
 

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