Date:   12/6/2005 10:16:47 AM ( 19 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=536006

1 readers agree with this message.  Hide votes     What is this?

"I REALLY thought about it some more.....and....you may not like this....

I think that for 99/100 people p 0 r n is bad news. Maybe as high as 99.9.

I "sat" with what you said for a while....you are probably an exception...maybe one in a million....(smile)"



I agree with the poster who started out with the above message. I'm not sure, though that it can be that positive a thing even for couples who seem to have loads of communication or an understanding about it.

Let's say we have a couple who both partake in p 0 r n. As you admitted when one discovers the other partaking there's that moment where your initial reaction is to hide it...etc. Well perhaps that reaction was't necessarily instilled by societal/religious morals being shoved down one's throat. Maybe, just maybe there's a bit of your conscience left that is still telling you not to partake.

What one puts in their mind goes into the spirit. Both people involved together and with p 0 r n may not be working "in concert" with each other...it may simply be that part of the guilt is alleviated because each knows the other is involved.

My X and I were out one evening at a local pub. This particular evening there was someone there who he knew was attracted to me. I won't go into the discussion here but I got the distinct impression that it would have been pleasing to him if I went with the other person. He made a point of leaving to go home without me. He had never done that before. Come to find out, he had cheated on me and my doing the same would have eased his troubled mind....or so he later admitted.

I mean, lets face it...there are those out there who feel okay about swapping partners. How far do you want to take it is the only question. Because one is only looking at pictures or fantisizing about another person that doesn't mean it's not cheating. You are giving yourself over to the fantasy...taking a bit of what should be reserved for your partner and using your own mind to cheat that person of what is rightfully theirs.

I know people who chat online and because it is over a computer...or over a phone line then somehow it's okay. But it's not...you are still bonding with another....spiritually becoming one with someone else.

I used to view p 0 r n when I was a teen till probably around my early 20s. I think I mostly did it to kind of gauge where I was physically on the "sexy" scale. It is very easy to get pre-occupied with it and direct an unhealthy amount of time toward that instead of working on a healthy relationship. Even now, if I catch a glimpse...it still can have the power to excite, but it's not the same as when I direct my energies where they shoud be.

Let me say I just love sex. I love everything about it. I have to tell you, though, I love it much more since I decided to make an effort to keep myself for my husband. I do this by not looking at p 0 r n. I also fantisize, but my fantisies include my husband and no other. Let me tell you...sex is so much more powerful this way. I don't even look at other men with lust. I can look at a guy and acknowledge that he's good looking and all...but I have no desire to know what he looks like naked or what he would feel like. I find it much more helpful to concentrate on directing my energies toward my husband and his pleasure and what we can accomplish together. I find that when I do this he responds most favorably and we both get what we want/need.

This approach eliminates the possibility of any stray thoughts coming between us. There's no "wishing he were this way or that" or lamenting that he could be built a bit better or she could be a little curvier.

People are not animals and comparing our sexual habits/actions/whatever with other mammels is not a fair comparison. We are body, soul, spirit. What we think/ do /feel affects every bit of our being. We need to step a bit more carefully. Indulging in certain activities simply because we desire to or because we can doesn't mean that we should.


 

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