Date:   10/31/2005 12:27:44 AM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   5,114
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=496173

"If you are afraid of being criticized or put down by others, let them know about these fears, and understand that their criticism reflects their own insecurities and fears."

In my experience, if I suggest it's not mine, but theirs, they take it as critisism, and just say it's MY insecurities and fears. It seems if they are more forceful, I become more emotionally depleted. I'm introspective, self reflective, probably TOO sensitive, and I try so hard not to intentionally offend, and it happens by trying NOT to offend, I do anyhow. If I finally get angry, I feel I've lost...I'm reacting, not acting....and then I've become the victim, right?

"If you resist letting others see your weakness, show it to them anyway"

I think I show my vulnerablity too much; perhaps it my strength I resist showing. Deep down, I fear I am very powerful, and I'm afraid I'm not wise enough...until I can control anger and never think a negative thought, I don't want to BE powerful. I cringe at anger, I hate being controlled by it, I am not comfortable when I get angry. "Kind at all costs" doesn't always work--you end up making yourself a victim

I have a memory as a very young child, probably 4. I was playing a board game with my grandmother. I kept 'jinxing' her dice--playfully(?) pointing two fingers at her dice and saying "two". Each time she rolled she rolled a two, till finally she slapped me across the face.

"Choose to experience whatever you resist in life, and it will set you free."

I'm just not sure. I once had a "healer" push me energetically from across a room--I was going to hug "his" client and he wanted her to 'release'. I was stunned,didn't know someone could even DO that, then hurt, then incredibly angry. My anger disrupted the meditation/healing circle more than his "push" My anger covered hurt. I went to heal.....later the next day a butterfly came and alighted over my heart....and stayed for half an hour. It softened me. That was almost ten years ago. I am still too easily hurt, too easily a victim, too scared that deep underneath I AM powerful. If "the most important thing is to take care of your emotional health" I would guess all the years of returning to depression indicate I haven't done very well.

I hate that feeling of protecting my heart, being "hard" but I just don't know how to be open and not get hurt. It seems painful either way.
Thanks for letting me share.
blessings....

my apologies if I've "butted into" this thread...I had no intention of being rude...sigh


 

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