Date:   6/23/2006 2:56:01 AM ( 18 y ago)
Hits:   1,824
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=432160

Thank you so much for your feedback :) I'm feeling better, although I didn't sleep very well with things going through my mind :( I've decided to take a break from this "friendship", I've always felt as if I'm somekind of garbage (or a free psychiatrist) to this woman. She is a real energy vampire.

I have always been interested in spiritual things, and diet and exercise. It's a strugle but there are days that I feel very good about myself, usually when I have had a good day of exercising and eating better. I still eat chicken and fish and very seldom meat for protein, but I have upped my fruit intake.

I know I'm big time guilty of having negative thoughts about myself, I try to change my "inner dialogue" but it's hard and those negative thoughts keep coming back :( Awful things, like "your fat and nobody likes you" (I'm normal weighted with some muscles), "your stupid and thats why you dont get promoted", "your just a girl so why would they pay you same wage as men".... things like that... not very nice :( I would never think that poorly about any of my friends, then why am I thinking these horrible things about myself?

Maybe I subconsciously think I don't deserve to be happy, because I have guilt from younger years when I was working as a dancer. I was away very much (I still lived home, I was that young), and when my dad and mom divorced and my dad got cancer and had to be finally in hospital my little brother had to be home alone very much. And just few years ago he said that he accused me of it. I have tried to compensate that, almost to the point of feeling like a slave with all this responsibility and stuff.. My mom was never there either, she had a new boyfriend where she stayed. She always says nowadays that she wasnt so good mother but lucky for my brother I have taken care of things.

Ok guys, seems like I'm writing a novel here :) I'm going to go and have some nice green tea, it's sunny and beautiful out :) Thank you for listening!!
 

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