Date:   10/25/2005 2:27:42 PM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   3,154
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=412017

Hello Jena,
Don't apologize for sounding preachy or cliched, that's your humility showing, which is good because humility is the requirement and maintenance of wisdom. I never was involved in self-mutilation, but grew up suicidal, just never committed it because I never believed in it (go figure). Bad childhood, anal retentive family that seemed to choose me to be the family flunky even before I was ten, and divorced parents (kind of like a 'man without a country' phantom identity). About a year ago, I heard a divorced 'MAN' of the household complaining about having to ENDURE (as though he was the VICTIM of a divorce instead of the PERPETRATOR or culprit). Even though I wasn't judgemental about it, I just couldn't bring myself to be sympathetic. All of my life, I felt that something, for some reason, in some sense, was either wrong or didn't fit together properly or wasn't right for some reason. I never understood what that feeling was until I heard that 'MAN' speak and wondered how his young children will be affected (a divorced family doesn't exist anymore, neither do 'I' self). I remembered that the feeling was very vague and obscure but very strong and almost seemed 'foundational' as though I couldn't really recognize and establish 'SELF' (a unique identity of who 'I AM'). But I probably wouldn't have been able to understand why I always had such a misunderstood and vague feeling that I wasn't even sure what or even why it was if I hadn't made a habit out of sharing my learning experiences at Curezone. Probably the most important thing I ever learned at Curezone is that I shouldn't take my sufferings personally,...because> I am NOT ALONE. I can tell by your writing that you not only have the will (AND the humility), but the ability to be very helpful here. I think that all bad habits, of every degree, are an attempt to establish/excite/cause/stimulate the experience of 'life' (identity/self) just as a soldier in battle 'FEELS' the intensity of life. I've heard someone suggest that there is a biological release of endorphins, no doubt there is a physiological effect.

Anyway, I think that you can be a big help here (try to avoid the habit of giving 'pep speeches', your 'survivor's wisdom' is too valuable to waste, anyway, pep speeches are a dime a dozen), and maybe 'I' will be able to understand more about the experience of life (self).

 

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