Date:   1/22/2005 3:13:04 AM ( 20 y ago)
Hits:   1,213
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=403227

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i feel like puking right now..only because i ate so much earlier. lately i binge on food very often. so apart from the physical discomfort that i get after that, i feel guilty that i wasnt able to control my eating habits, which i vowed over and over to overcome, i also feel depressed. depressed that things are going to go this way for me..just like how i cant overcome binge eating, i cant overcome other obstacles in life and just feel hopeless.

life IS beautiful, i know that, but i just cant help feeling horrid now. i wonder where jesus is, and if he's watching over me all this while, he must be so disappointed and digusted with me, coz that is how i am feeling about myself now. how can anyone love me for who i am..?

i am feeling so lonely..and many a times i chose to be. i choose to stay at home even though my friends ask me out. i want to love others around me, but i cant even have the capacity to love myself. i feel really tired, not physically though. i feel drained and confused and still feel like puking. its one of those moods that just grip you out of the blue and just cant shake off your back. its relentless.

sorry this message is far from positive , i need an outlet...i want to be heard, unfortunately the internet does not make it less lonely than it already is...i wish jesus could sit beside me and just talk to me. not in the praying sense, but in physical form...and tell me that everything is going to be ok and just hold me in his arms.

do you even know wat i am feeling?
 

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