Date:   1/19/2005 10:57:14 PM ( 19 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=403203

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Ok here is my sad- sort of long - story. I am 31 and have only been with two people. The first one wasn't my choice and the second one was because I had a short period of doubting God and I was messed up over the first thing. Also the guy claimed to be a Christian who wanted to marry me but said he would never marry someone who he had not had sex with. That was really dumb of me and I felt horrible about it, but I knew it was wrong the whole time. I eventually could not continue with what my spirit knew was a wrong realationship. I started reading my Bible every day and praying. I was listening to Christian tapes etc. and doing very well. I have a job traveling non-stop and a year ago I went to hang out with some people I knew and eat dinner at an Irish place down the road from the hotel we were all staying at. I let a man I vaugly knew walk me back because I wasn't feeling well after having a surgery and wanted to leave early. I thought it would be safer. He wouldn't leave my hotel room and just kept at me even though I told him I didn't want to do anything. We didn't have actual sex but we messed around and the next day I got a rash. I am pretty sure it's herpes because it reappears. I just figured out what it was from reading stuff on the internet but it really can't be anything else. It fits the syptoms well. I don't know why I didn't kick him or hit him or be mean enough to get rid of him. I told him I didn't want to do anything but I felt powerless to be mean to him and call security. I had two men in my childhood that tried to molest me and I remember this feeling of suffocating and like I had to be nice to them to try to worm out of the situation and for the most part I came out better than what it could have been by being aggresive which I think would have made it worse. I think that may have been the case here. Anyway, I am single, I don't believe in sex before marraige and never have. I am scared to death because I don't want to get tested because I don't think I can handle it being official and who knows if I could have HIV from this jerk. I've since found out he had a wife and a pregnant g/f at the time! I've read about healing in the Bible but I've never heard of anyone getting healed of herpes. I also could have gotten it from blood exposure on my job but at any rate I guess I deserve it for ever having sex outside marraige but if God has forgiven me may be He will heal me? I don't think any Christian guys would want to marry me now anyway. My head is all messed up. I had become so very stable and well adjusted before this whole mess. I was really truly happy and content. It's weird how satan can hit you really good at just the right time in the right way to totally mess your life up. Any advice or thoughts would be great.
Thanks,
Amz
 

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