Date:   9/1/2005 5:23:07 AM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   17,068
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=370599

I am an orthorexic, healthy eater who is leaning towards anorexia (again), or who always goes back and forth between starvation/anorexic body weight and healthy eating (raw food)/low/healthy body weight. I have had periods of anorexia and more healthy eating for most of my life. I have been underweight most of my life, and at anorexic weight for some years of my life, and on and off for the past 16 years (it always returns).
The reason I know about nutrient values and such is because I have had heart palpitations and other serious problems several times in my life when my weight was very low, and I became very afraid of dying. I wanted to learn what I could do to avoid dying in such situations. At the same time, I have been so obsessed with dieting for so long, that I started reading food labels when I was just a kid, and still do to this day, and I have been very determined to figure out all the best tricks for losing weight fast (without vomiting), and to learn everything about food and what affects my body. I wanted to be skinny without dying or hurting my body too much, so I wanted to know everything about nutrients and metabolic processes, even to how to keep my skin and hair nice when thinning out and how to take care of my teeth. I knew a girl when I was a teenager, who had ruined her teeth from the inside out because of her anorexia.
I am really no expert, I am just someone who has been obsessed with dieting and food and beauty for over 16 years.
I guess I am just trying to minimize the inevitable damage of starvation. I am still not recovered and I don't think I ever will be, but I do have a part inside of me that wants to take care of me and not damage my body. That part always tries to fight the disorder but I have also done a lot of bad things to my body. When anorexic, I try not to lose my periods for over 6 months or else I could become infertile... I am just really aware of the damage that can be done by anorexia but still I can't fight the disorder at times and I do get very sick and obsessive on and off.

I used to smoke a lot and do drugs sometimes and be a stressed out workaholic, so it was easy to maintain my very low weight and hard to gain weight, but now it is harder to stay really skinny cause I don't smoke or use any drugs anymore, and I don't work anymore. I am also very isolated whereas I used to have a lot of social events.
I have had to fight compulsive (over)eating when I tried to recover from anorexia, and after quitting smoking. It is hard when the body tries to make up for the starvation.

I have also had times in my life when I could not move a lot and did not have any energy. Are you in an end-stadium of anorexia? I mean, are you at your bottom weight or dangerously low weight right now? How long have you been anorexic?

I have also dealt with edema a lot, for years now, and I also have water retention when I am very skinny. I have read a lot about the issue.
I still deal with edema sometimes and I am salt intolerant.

Is your edema getting any better?

 

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