Date:   7/24/2006 3:50:06 AM ( 18 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=340655

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I don't know what is happening to me. I have these out of body experiences where I am filled with so much truth and perfection that it fills me up inside, I cannot bear it and I never want to let it go. It's happened to me in tiny amounts since I was 18 but now more and more as I have given up more and more and made sacrifices. I am a virgin. I am married and very much love my husband. For some reason, I could just never have sex. Now I realize it was so that I wouldn't muddy up my channel. I know it all sounds very "woo-woo" and REALLY, I am not insane and have never been a woo woo kind of person. But I cannot deny what is happening to me. I used to want to be rich and famous and powerful and be like everyone else....then I realized I would always be empty, with a sucking void that could never be filled. I decided to give up all posessions, even my home, I already barely eat food and only 1 food now. I gave up family, friends, holidays, traditional religion. It was scary and hard but now it just seems blindingly RIGHT. The last torture I endure is the need to eat. I believed you had to in order to live but now I wonder if it's just a brainwashing constraint we place on our own minds. Just like we can't go without sleep, we can't breathe underwater, we can't stare at the sun, we can't fly.... WHO KNOWS? Do we really know? Or have we just been living in this reality so long that we can't see another way? We are governed by the laws of this nightmarish reality but if we break free of this reality can we also break free of those laws? Nothing about being a human being is attractive to me...there must be more.
 

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