Date:   6/2/2003 11:25:03 PM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   2,158
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=331209

Hi,

Well... we could tell you about meditation, or about writing a nasty letter and burning it, or taking up martial arts, or how to send pipe bombs via FedEx, or ...

But those won't really do it for you.

Let me just point out some of your own words, because you're so close to over it... very, very close...

"It was a dirty mess that I regret and wish I was wiser. Have him as my 1st love affair has taught me a lot about good and evil."

OK. First, aren't you wiser now? I'll bet you are. OK, mission accomplished, so you can stop wishing you were wiser, because now you are. Second, would you have gotten wiser without this experience? Probably not, or you would already have had enough wisdom not to get involved in this, so you can stop regretting the experience now. Regretting the experience is just a way to prevent yourself from having the wisdom which you have definitely earned by going through the experience. If you hold onto the regret, you'll make yourself repeat these kinds of experiences until you can let yourself have the wisdom, which you won't let yourself have because of the regret, which will make you repeat this kind of experience to gain the wisdom, which you won't be able to have because of the regret...

See how that works?

You can't really have the wisdom without the experience. Well, OK, maybe you could gain the wisdom from someone else's experience, or maybe you could just see which way the wind is blowing before getting involved, but being able to learn from others' mistakes or perceive consequences is a more advanced skill, which we often don't acquire until we've put ourselves through one or more regretable experiences.

Eventually (or maybe right now! Let's hope!), you'll be done with this particular lesson.

Getting him back -- revenge -- won't help the situation at all. That just keeps you stuck in this particular trap, and you'll repeat it over and over and over again until you finally, one day, realize that blaming him (or anyone else) is ducking responsibility for yourself and that -- ducking responsibility for yourself -- is THE trap. The only way out is to forgive him truly and completely. After all, you know you could easily have known this was going to happen if you had only listened to yourself way back when, and yet you chose to ignore yourself and dive right in. So... learn what you need to learn and move on!

Good luck!

=-John-=

 

<< Return to the standard message view

fetched in 0.02 sec, referred by http://www.curezone.org/forums/fmp.asp?i=331209