Date:   4/14/2003 3:32:09 PM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   1,056
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=331110

Hi everyone! Thanks for your responses. I really appreciate the advice.

Catnap, your voice is what I've been seeking. Most often, males would reply with "It's okay to look." and "there's nothing wrong with looking." and most females, especially my wife, would say "that's biased". A female saying that it's okay to look is very valuable to me. It also shows that she's very secure about her relationship. Thanks!

Her upbringing was in Singapore, so it's a pretty strict place. They ban all forms of p 0 r n o g r a p h y, including the more tasteful Playboy, and certain issues of Maxim.

However, there is quite a black market for these things, and she has gone through life with her girfriends ocassionally bringing p 0 r n to school or whatever, that were their brothers. She took it on herself not to look at this stuff. I don't know why. She's rather eccentric that way. :)

In any case, I have tried several methods, but I seem to be short of a few cents or something, because nothing seems to work. I mean, it works for a short amount of time, but the issue still arises. It does seem like it's an insecurity issue, and I would very much like to help her go over this problem, rather than sit on it and wait it out.

toughrelationship, it seems you're in a much more complex situation that I am in. Her insecurities stemming from past relationships (emotional baggage) is very hard to change. Almost impossible, if you ask me. It's bad enough when I was the one that caused my wife to be upset, but you seem to have it pretty bad. Hope you've found a way to cope with it.

Tom, you seem to have it the worst out of the three of us guys here. You have to do something, or you might get "whipped" into the "Yes, dear." relatioship. In your current state of the relationship, I strongly advise you to continue telling her the truth. Never lie to her. This is from my bad experiences. As long as you continue to tell the truth, you're safe. If she gets paranoid enough that she'll check on you and stuff, she'll find that you are telling the truth.

However, I think that she's very insecure and very paranoid. You have to do something to show her that she's the only one for you. As previous posters mentioned, does it have anything to do with her past? It might be a good idea to talk to her about this.

My wife does look too. But she claims that she doesn't delve on it like I do (as if I do). She claims that she doesn't desire other guys (much like catnap says). I believe her, because I know her. She thinks that for me, it's more lustful when I look at other females. The thing is, that I don't delve on it. I just look. no touch. no thought of touching. I'm like her, really. But she thinks not. I'm trying to make her understand that. But I don't know how.


 

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