Date:   3/17/2003 3:12:19 PM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   1,354
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=330929

I really feel for you. First of all, it is not you, don't take any blame for anything that he does or says. Someone who loves you will not lie to you or yell at you and say mean things over and over again. People sometimes lose their temper and say things they don't mean (I know I've done it before) but not as a pattern. Anything that is a pattern you need to look at and accept it as part of the relationship. I'm sure that he thinks he cares for you in his own way, but it doesn't sound like the kind of caring that you deserve. You shouldn't put up with that kind of treatment. I know it is so hard to let go, believe me, I have stayed in relationships waaaayyyyy past when I should have, I mean years, but you know eventually you will have to do it. Men often stay in relationships because they're getting regular sex. It's really hard for them to let go of that. The reason he gets mad that you have "expectations" of him is because he knows he's mistreated you and can't face up to it. He can't face that he might not be such a great boyfriend. And if he's not treating you well, he certainly won't treat anyone else well, and why would they want to be with him? Do you know the other girl? Why don't you go talk to her. If you really want to get at the truth. Or just try to take a break from him for a while and see how you feel? You say you love him. I hear that you are attached to him. What do you really love about him? Remember that things will probably not get better, they will get worse unless he admits that he's lying and being a jerk and tries to change. At some point you have to figure out if the emotional investment is worth it. It doesn't sound like from what you've said. Another thing, a man that much older than you should be trying to take care of you, and flowers on Valentine's day is not a really big deal. If he sent it to someone else, that is so uncool. What does he expect you to think and feel? What if you sent flowers to someone else? How would that make him feel? Anyways, you deserve so much more. A relationship shouldn't be so much work, especially after four years. What do you really have with him? Do you have honesty? trust? gentleness and compassion? safety? Can you rely on him for support, financially? emotionally? You should be able to speak freely with your boyfriend about anything. If he really loves you he wouldn't treat you this way. Just because he says he loves you doesn't mean he does or knows how to!
 

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