Date:   3/8/2003 12:58:39 PM ( 21 y ago)
Hits:   1,795
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=330867

I went through similar situations. Only four days after I moved out my ex started to officially date his language partner. I confronted her, she said a lot of b.s. thigs and said, I think you are a good person. I responded that I didn't really think that of either of them, and that I didn't respect them at all. Then the conversation was over, and I made a decision to expect certain things absolutely and to never do that type of thing to anybody myself. I could respect myself and the way I treated people. If those two couldn't, I thought, there would be a balance of karma one day. One of them would hurt the other, and it would become a cycle. I for one was out of that situation and realized that it was the best place to be.

Times are tough, making tough decisions are tough. But, respecting yourself and others shouldn't be. Since then, I have become much stronger. Of course, it is now going on five years since my seperation (four for divorce- had to be in the US to get that completed), and I am finally willing to trust a bit more. Though at points, when I have been in disagreement with my current guy about touchy issues, I have wanted to give up. I have stated at different times that, "I don't think you are a bad person, but maybe we are just not compatible." The lack of compatability is an issue for me. You must both want the same things. You can have different interests, hobbies, pass times, etc. But the relationship must be what you both want. If it isn't what both parties want, than there is an issue. It is a bad environment. And, if there is any doubt in your mind, once you start enjoying life, having fun, believing in yourself, she will start second-guessing herself and her decision.

Another thing is that is really helpful is to just wish her the best. Of course, this is something that you probably won't want to do in person. But, wish her the best outcome, and wish yourself a great outcome too. Anger is healthy. You will feel that a lot. But try to stay away from vengeful thoughts as they will only make you feel poorly, and that is self-defeating.

Hey ssloution, keep us posted. I am rooting for you. If you can pull yourself together, you have a great future ahead. Once you go to the lowest depths and manage to work yourself out of them, there is nothing you can't do. The world is there for your bidding!


 

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