Date:   3/28/2005 9:45:50 AM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   1,235
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=268389

Two out of fifty dry at five years? That's better odds than I would give them. If the man ain't hurtin' for certain, he don’t stand a snow balls chance in hell.

I would come to each morning and God would ask me one question.

"Are you done yet?"

Now, I didn't know that it was God talking to me, and I didn't hear the question just that way, it just sounded like just pain.
All I knew when I opened my blood shot eyes each morning was deep and unrelenting pain.

And each morning I would answer God with a defiant

"No, I ain't done yet."

I didn't think I was talking to God, telling God to mind his own damn business. I would tell myself that I'm tough, I can take it, give me some more.

God gave me my free will, and man did I use it. Then God would say,

"fair deal pal, we'll talk again tomorrow morning."

Then God would reach over to my personal physic pain meter and dial it up one more notch.

And on and on it went.

The only gift God could give me, the only gift I could or would accept was pain. God gave me the one thing that I needed in the beginning, incomprehensible demoralization at depth.

I take an AA meeting into a detox every Tuesday evening and I tell the “clients” if you are feeling a pain that defies description, know that God loves you, and that pain is a gift.


When I showed up in my first AA meeting, some guy asked me if I ever felt like a real turd when I first woke up in the morning? I guess the look on my face said it all. Then he said "You never have to feel that way again."

I tell the "clients" in that detox, don't cry about Gods gift, use it.

On the road to the good stuff,
Richard S.

 

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