Date:   1/31/2005 7:45:35 PM ( 19 y ago)
Hits:   3,115
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=267218

i don't think that your husband's age is of any relevance, his actions are what matters

the fact that you have a wandering eye and have acted on impulses to be with other men would lead one to beleive you should question your present relationship. i don't think that you should leave a happy marriage because of a random incident with another person - and you shouldn't tell the other person to unload your guilt. if you think that these incidents aren't "random" (going to happen in the future too?) then maybe you should get out of the relationship. I don't think you should feel bad about it. just try a little harder and look to the future - don't dwell on the past.

Everything you wrote about the things your husband does that annoy you made me be annoyed with him too, and i don't even really know him. it looks like the miserable factor for you is pretty high, and on a daily basis. if he's not willing to change or try to make you a little happier you should just leave the relationship to try to find a guy who's going to treat you like the human being that you are. find someone who wants to go out and share some common interests with you.

btw, the age difference b/t me and my husband is even greater than the age difference b/t you and your husband. by a couple years... but, if it makes any difference, this is what my husband had to say about your post.

"sounds to me like he doesn't give a f$&% what she does as long as she comes home and gives it up. he's just happy to have a young hottie in the house. if the guy doesn't care about whatever happened to her in europe that there's a problem in that relationship. he's already way past the age that he's going to change, she needs to decide if that's how she wants to live the rest of her life. he's living with a 25 year old and treating her like she's 60 if he never wants to go out with her."

well, as you can tell he doesn't think too highly of your relationship - mostly the way you're being treated. totally different than what my husband and i have got going on.

i don't think that his lack of devestation should the two of you divorce really means anything. he's sort of right when he says that he can't make you want to be married to him. he really can't. it doens't mean that he's not happy with you or that he doesn't love you though. but seriously, if he really doesn't care that's sort of bad because while he may want to stay with you, he's too lazy to put forth any effort into it and it sounds like you're still there anyway, even if he's not even trying, so he's not going to really step it up a notch if he doesn't have to.

the positive things about your marriage....

you laugh a lot together... that's great, but you can laugh with people who are just your friends too, you don't have to stay married to someone because you laugh with them..

he is generally easy going when it comes to your freedom.... yeah, he may just be happy that someone else is taking you out and he doesn't have to. that sounds mean i know, but you said he was a homebody and you have to beg him to even go to the movies.

he's generally a nice person who is liked by all.... just because everyone likes him doesn't really mean anything, his annoying habits around the house aren't what other people see and deal with when they're around him, they get ... well, the generally nice person who is liked by all. know what i mean?

damn right he should have supported you when you quit your job to finish college for 9 months! he had a young hottie in the house, he better take care of her. wow, that's the one smart thing he's done! but it's still no reason to stay married to him. you don't "owe" him anything for supporting you. you cleaned his house, did his laundry, f%&^ed him, i mean, wtf, what guy wouldn't pay a little for that?

i don't know.... the decision to leave is up to you and you alone but i would really think about the number of days you'are actually happy in the relationship, and the days where you're unhappy and see if maybe 20 days out of the month you're unhappy... is that worth it? can you seriously live the rest of your life with the guy if this is how things are looking to stay? it's okay to leave someone and try to find a better way for yourself. to me, it sounds like you'd be happier with someone else, and i think that you're going to have another "random incident" with another guy, but you're acutally going to really like the guy and want to be with him, and maybe that's when you'll leave the one you're with now.

anyway, good luck.


 

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