Empty Eyes_ at The Turiya Files

IN THE PAST FEW WEEKS, JUST WHEN I AM FEELING OVERWHELMED WITH THE MYSTERY AND MIRACLE OF LIFE AND THIS WORLD, I SUDDENLY FEEL EVERYTHING OUTSIDE ME DESCENDING CLOSER AND CLOSER UNTIL IT GOES INSIDE MY EYES. I THEN FIND MYSELF LOOKING AT WHAT SEEMS LIKE A ONE-DIMENSIONAL SCREEN SITTING JUST AT MY EYES.

IT SEEMS AS THOUGH THERE IS NOTHING BUT ME AND I AM SO ALONE. BUT THEN PEOPLE ARE ON THE SCENE INTERACTING WITH ME AND I BECOME CONFUSED. AND WHAT ABOUT YOU? YOU ALSO SEEM JUST PART OF THE PAINTING.

EVEN THOUGH THIS LASTS ONLY A FEW SECONDS, I BECOME SO TERRIFIED WHEN THIS HAPPENS. IS THIS MY MIND PLAYING WITH ME? HOW COULD I REALLY BE SO ALONE?

Maitri, one is alone - aloneness is ultimate - but aloneness is not loneliness. You are not lonely.

And that's where the whole misunderstanding lies and that's what makes you so terrified. To be lonely means you are missing the other. To be lonely is a negative state. To be lonely means you are feeling empty: you are searching for the other - you believe in the other, you depend on the other - and the other is not there. And because the other is not there, there is great nothingness, but that nothingness is a kind of negative nothingness. You are groping for the other, and you cannot find the other, and everything starts disappearing. And when everything starts disappearing the real problem is that you cannot remain yourself.

When everything else has disappeared, you will have to disappear too, because you depend on others, you are just a reflection of the others. You have seen your face in the eyes of others; they have been mirrors. Now there are no longer any mirrors, who are you? All has disappeared, then how can you remain in this loneliness? You also start evaporating and that creates great fear, the fear of death.

The ego starts dying and the ego starts searching somewhere for somebody to cling to. And that's why soon you start interacting with people. Out of the fear of death you start getting occupied with others again. And then great confusion is bound to be there because your natural being was moving into a deep nothingness but you became frightened and you pulled yourself out of it. You created a contradiction in the energy: the energy was going in and you jumped out, hence the confusion. But aloneness is ultimate. And when I say aloneness is ultimate, I mean that there is only one, there are not many. You are not separate from existence.

Nobody is separate from anybody else, existence is utterly one. The very idea of separation is our misery, the very idea that 'I am an island' creates hell. Nobody is an island, we belong to the continent, we are part of this oceanic existence, past, present, future. In all directions and all dimensions, it is all one. In fact, the word alone means 'all-oneness' - that is alone-ness. 'All one' is alone.

But for that, Maitri, you will have to go a little more into this nothingness. First the nothingness is negative; its outermost core, the shell part is negative. If you go a little deeper you will find the positive negativeness. The positive negativeness is what Buddha calls NIRVANA, enlightenment, SHUNYA. When you move deeper and you have crossed the shell part, the hard negative part, the dark part, suddenly there is light. The night is over.

And then you feel a totally new kind of aloneness which you have never felt before, and then you know the distinction between loneliness and aloneness. In loneliness you were searching for the other, in aloneness the other has disappeared and so has disappeared the ego. Now there is nobody inside and nobody outside, and all is one. This unity, this absolute oneness brings benediction.

Then there is no fear, there cannot be, because now there can be no death - how can there be fear? The death has already happened, that which could die has died. Now you are in the world of immortality, you have found the elixir. This is the nectar we will be talking about again and again in these sutras of THE SECRET OF THE GOLDEN FLOWER. This is the nectar, AMRIT. This is the elixir, the philosopher's stone. Once you have tasted of it, all death has disappeared, all time has disappeared, all distinctions have disappeared. Now you will see the tree as your extension, the cloud as your extension, or you as the extension of the tree. Now the centre is everywhere and nowhere. The 'I' does not exist anywhere anymore. The very word has become utterly false.

Once a Christian missionary asked a Zen Master, 'Isn't the end-point of man's journey the union with God?'

The Zen Master said, 'The end-point of man's journey is NOT union with God, because there has never been a separation. All that is needed is the flash of insight that makes one see it.'

Tao, Zen, Tantra - their insight is far more deep than the so-called market-place religion. Christianity thinks in terms of joining with God, of being one with God, but the Zen Master's insight is far more penetrating, and deeper. He says: But where has there been a separation? When? It has not happened at all, you have been dreaming that you are separate. Just come out of the dream! There is no union, you have ALWAYS been one with existence. Not for a single moment has there been a separation, there is no possibility of separation.

Maitri, you are coming to a very very important, significant insight. If you don't get frightened and run out of this experience, you may attain the flash of insight that makes one see it: that all is one.

But fear always comes. It is not new - each seeker has to go through it. And it is really so much that before you have thought about it you have already run out of it. It is so frightening that it does not give you time, space, to ponder over it - what to do. It is like the house is on fire. You don't think anymore: 'Should I get out or not?' There are no more alternatives left; you simply run out of the house without thinking. There is no time to think. Later on you can think. When you are outside the house, sitting under a tree, you can think and ponder in luxury. But when the house is on fire, how can you think? Action is needed immediately and thought is never immediate.

That's the problem: when you go into your aloneness, at first it is very lonely, because you have lived with the idea of the other. It was a dream idea; the other is not there. 'I' and 'thou' - both are false.

Martin Buber says that the ultimate quality of prayer is a dialogue between 'I' and 'thou'. That's where Judaism got stuck. The ultimate prayer is not a dialogue at all, the ultimate prayer is a monologue, because the other is not there.

A Zen Master used to call his own name in the morning; every morning he would shout his own name, and say, 'How are you?' And he would answer, 'I am perfectly well, sir.'

You will think he is mad, but this is prayer. There is no 'I', there is no 'thou'. You have to play the part of both. It is a game, it is a play. Prayer is a play: playing with your own self. There is no 'other'.

But Judaism got stuck there, with the idea of 'I' and 'thou'. That's why they were so much against Jesus, because he declared - although not in such a drastic way as a Zen Master declares... It was not possible to be more drastic than he was in his situations. But still he said, 'I and my Father are one.' But that was enough to infuriate people. People were mad. 'What is he saying? Declaring himself God?' He is not saying anything, he is not declaring himself God, he is simply saying there is no God and no devotee, there is only One. You can call it 'devotee' in a certain situation, you can call it 'God' in another situation. That's why he says, 'I and my Father are one. If you look at my body I am the son, if you look at my soul I am the Father. If you look at my form I am a man, son of man, if you look at my essence I am son of God.'

That's why he goes on repeating it again and again. Sometimes he says: I am son of man, and sometimes he says: I am son of God. Looks contradictory, it is not.

All that you see is a projection of your eyes. The world as it Is you have not seen yet. What you have seen is just a projection, so when you start moving inwards, everything that you have projected on the world will come closer and closer and closer to the eyes and will disappear into your eyes. This world is a projection of your eyes. You don't see that which is, you project a dream upon it.

For example, there is a great diamond, the Kohinoor. Now, it is just a stone like any other stone, but we have projected so much value on it. Many people have died because of the Kohinoor; whosoever possessed it was killed. Now see the whole nonsense of it: just that stone has proved very murderous because of the projections of people. It is one of the most precious things in the world, the costliest thing in the world, but if man disappears from the earth will it be anything more than any other pebble? It will be just lying there with other pebbles in the same way. There will be no distinction, no difference.

From where does the difference come? Our eyes project, we make it special. We go on pouring our desire, greed, onto it. It becomes very precious, and very dangerous too. If you are meditating on the Kohinoor, silently seeing it, seeing it, one moment will come when you see that something from the Kohinoor is coming closer and closer to your eyes and then it disappears into the eyes. Then you open your eyes - the Kohinoor has disappeared. There is something, but you had not known it before and the one that you had known before is no more there.

A beautiful experience, tremendously significant. Go into it, go deeper and deeper into it. Let the whole world disappear. Yes, I will also disappear into that, because that which I am you have not seen yet and that which you see is your projection. Your projection will disappear, and when all your projections have disappeared, then the world comes in its nakedness, as it is.

And the wonder of it! Then small things are so wonderful then ordinary pebbles are so wonderful.

Because of the Kohinoor they cannot be wonderful; you have projected all on the Kohinoor, you have not left any love for anything else. Once the projection disappears and you open your eyes, EMPTY EYES, not projecting anything at all, just seeing whatsoever it is, with no idea what it is, with no names, no labels, no interpretations, just seeing, emptied, passive, the world comes to have a totally different meaning, significance.

I SUDDENLY FEEL EVERYTHING OUTSIDE ME DESCENDING CLOSER AND CLOSER UNTIL IT GOES INSIDE MY EYES. I THEN FIND MYSELF LOOKING AT WHAT SEEMS LIKE A ONE-DIMENSIONAL SCREEN SITTING JUST AT MY EYES.

Perfectly good and perfectly right. This is the way one moves deeper into meditation.

The only problem is that you are still there, that's why you feel so alone. You mean lonely. The 'I' remains alone; 'thou' has disappeared, and without the 'thou' the 'I' is lonely. The 'I' exists only in relationship; the 'I' is not an entity but a relationship - it cannot exist without the 'thou', it needs the 'thou'. How can the lover exist without the beloved? Once the beloved is not there the lover starts disappearing. You need the beloved. Love is a relationship, so is the 'I' a relationship. And because you are still protecting the 'I' somehow, you have not yet been courageous enough to let it go too.

Just as the whole world has disappeared, let this 'I' also disappear. It will be frightening in the beginning; it will be a death process - it is a death process. It will look like you are committing suicide, it will look... Who knows where you are going, whether you will be coming back again or not? It will look as if madness is exploding in you. And great fear will arise and in that fear you will be thrown out again and again. It will happen many times. Slowly, slowly you will have to learn not to be so afraid; there is nothing to fear. You are very close to the treasure.

These are the moments when a Master is needed to help you, to give you courage, to hold your hand, to say to you, 'Maitri, all is perfectly right. Go in!'

I had to pass through the same and I was also as much afraid as you are. And many times I came out just as you are coming out. And you are more fortunate than me because I had no Master - nobody to give me courage, nobody to hold my hand. I was simply struggling by myself. There was nobody who could tell me what was going to happen ahead. I had to grope and go into it - and it was dangerous, it was maddening. And the people who were around me in those days had already started believing that I had gone mad. Everybody who loved me was worried - my friends were worried, my teachers, my professors in the university were worried, my parents were worried, everybody was worried. But I had to go. Many times I went out, the fear was so much. I am perfectly acquainted with the fear.

But one day, one has to face it and go through it, because again and again you fall upon it and you rush out. And the out is not meaningful anymore: the out is all empty. And you come inside... and the fear. You have to choose between the two. The outside is no more relevant. You can go on making empty gestures, but how long can you deceive yourself? You know the screen is empty and all your projections are dead. And you go inside... and the fear, a great storm of fear arises.

But there is no other way - one has to go through it to know exactly what happens after this death.

The sooner you gather courage the better. And I say again you are more fortunate, because I am standing ahead of you in that utter emptiness, calling you forth again and again 'Come on! Come ye all! Come!' And I go on calling you forth just as Christ called Lazarus from the grave 'Lazarus, come out!'

In fact, that parable is not a historical fact, it is a parable. It is a parable of moving from the outside to the inside. The outside becomes a grave when it loses meaning. The outside becomes just futility, a wasteland, a grave. Nothing grows in it anymore, nothing flowers in it anymore - no possibility of any song and dance - and you live only in empty motions, empty gestures.

But the Master is standing where you are afraid to go and he calls from there. I am not only standing outside you; you will meet me in that innermost nothingness - not as me, of course, not as a person but as a presence; not separate from you but one with you.

That's why I insist so much on sannyas. Unless you are a sannyasin it will be difficult for me to call you from the inside. I can call you from the outside, but then you remain just a student. I can teach you a few things - that will become knowledge - but I cannot call you from your inside, from your very heart. And the need is there. That is possible only if you become a disciple, if you are a sannyasin, if you are ready to go with me, if you are ready to trust me, at least in some moments. I will use those 'some moments' and sooner or later they will become your very state of being.

So go on. Let this 'me', this 'I' also disappear. And once this 'I' disappears there is no loneliness, there is aloneness. And aloneness is beautiful, aloneness is freedom, it is a very positive feeling of well-being, a positive feeling of great joy. It is a very great, festive moment, it is celebration.

Allow me to become part of the painting on the outside, only then can I start working from the inside.

Let me disappear from the outside so that you can see me inside. And that will be my truth. And that is the truth of Christ and that is the truth of the Buddha and Krishna. That is the truth of all the Masters, of all those who have become awakened.

No, not at all. Mind creates the fear, not this experience. Mind is playing when it creates the fear. It is not mind when you see all your projections coming closer and closer and disappearing into your eyes. It is not mind when everything becomes a white empty screen. It is not mind, it is meditation: it is movement towards no-mind. MIND creates the fear. When it comes very close to the no-mind, it becomes so afraid of death that it creates fear. And in that fear you rush out again.

Next time it happens, Maitri, go in, in spite of the fear. Just be like the elephant who goes on moving although the dogs go on barking. Let the dogs of the mind bark. Go on moving like an elephant.