Date:   4/9/2018 6:29:41 AM ( 6 y ago)
Hits:   893
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=2407081

Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it. I have a very strange situation to handle. I got a DUI recently and have been ordered to go to 35 AA meetings. I'm not a heavy drinker at all--I never keep alcohol at my house, I never drink by myself, it's almost never liquor (mostly wine), and it's usually just for special occasions. Long story short, I was celebrating one last night with my best friend before she moved away. I ended up driving us home, got pulled over for a head light being out, and the cop guessed correctly that we had been drinking. So now I am required to attend 25 AA meetings. I've been to 11 already. It is all female group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I feel like an absolute useless, worthless, colossal failure. I am feeling so sad. I am a weak spineless person. I am truly lost. This is so upsetting to me I don't think I can discuss this verbally with anyone without bursting into tears. I am a 43year old woman what is wrong with me? My husband and I have been married for 17 years and have a 15year old daughter! I am 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourgllass shaped attractive brunette. I have a rather large breasts(34f bra size) and i do have a big butt. I don't intend to dress in any particular 'way' for anyone. I just wear what I like. I don't 'ask' for anything. I don't ask to be groped. I wear clothes that fit me properly. Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses.I am always on high heels and full make up on. If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot.I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks - something I have no control over. I can't help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get.

My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was 'too short' or 'too tight', or there was something wrong with my dress-sense. There's always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When i go out in public guys start talking to me and subtlety try to ask me out. I mention i have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone. I end up getting stressed by it. The irony is that all this time I've been afraid of men, perceiving any touch as a sexual advance that I should fear - when really, it was a short,skinny old women I should have feared. My story just seems so implausible that I feel I won't be believe. After the first meeting i walked up to this woman who is in charge (chair person) to sign my paper "card". She is a 55year old skinny really short like 5ft3 wrinkled face thin lips green eyes grayhaired masculine woman. She said to me "Wow! Your breasts are large!" She asked if she could touch my breasts. I was like, No! Then I said, alright. Then I get a hand extended so I am like okay here it goes and she was not shy about just full palm feeling all around and getting a real grab! I think she was a little shy to ask and was surprised when I agreed. LOL! It was no big deal for me. She commented on how soft they feel. I thought that was fine, but then from the next meeting this woman chair person started touching and squeezing my breasts and slapping and rubbing my ass , in a joking/playful way in front of other women AA group members.

Since this woman chair person was so openly touching my breasts, this other short like 5ft2 skinny freckled face creepy green eyes thin lips red haired masculine 53 year old woman AA group member started doing the same. On my 4th AA meeting this short skinny ugly ginger woman walked up to me reached with her both hands and gave my breasts what I can only describe as a jiggle-squish. In the moment, I found myself laughing it off. Since then this ginger woman is OBSESSED with my boobs so much that on every meeting .. she just cups and squeeze them over.. and over.. and over. It is actually REALLY annoying. I kid you not, I have been groped, jiggled and, just about in every way imaginable, had my breasts handled by this woman. She says that she just needs to "cop a feel". Also she randomly grabs and slaps my butt. She is always hugging me around my waist.Sometimes several hugs in a row.She also always place her hand on my ass when i stand beside her.

Also because she is really short and i am tall always when she is hugging me she is pressing her face on my breasts and she is coping a feel of my butt. This woman chair person is always placing her hands on my breasts while facing me talking about AA. During the meetings she always comes behind me while i am sitting and rubs my shoulders and back. I always laugh uncomfortably and try to be as dismissive of the situation as possible when these short skinny women chair person and ginger are touching me. I think the reason why this reaction might be so prevalent is that i shy away from asserting myself, even when it comes to defending myself against such action, because i am wary of being labeled as a shrew, a bitch or a upper middle class snob. So i try to be polite and as unaggressive as possible. I laugh, to prove that i am easy going, and i apologize or refrain from demanding an apology and make excuses to show that i am graceful. Also me being spineless is due to my intense fear of conflict with this short skinny old woman chair person since she signs my paper. I just automatically want to do everything possible to keep conflict down with these two women at AA and I always sacrifice my dignity for it. I tell myself that "next time" I will say NO to them. Always "next time" but next time never comes. Are these women sexually abusing me? Thet seem harmless to me because I am physically stronger than them i am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.They are both short like 5ft2/5ft3 tall skinny.I am always on high heels they are always in flat shoes.Standing next to me they look like midgets. I am 100% straight.I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. In all honest just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes me cringe.

You know what though? I am tired of laughing it off. I am considered by most of other women AA group members to be very serious, arrogant, and stuck up.One woman group member has described me as a snob on about half a dozen occasions for the past 11 meetings . I still don't really know why. I know on one of those occasions it was because I turned down the offer to go to a coffee with her after the meeting. How not wanting to go somewhere makes me a snob, I don't know. Also this woman group member is always commenting on my clothing saying that i am always overdressed in satin and silk. Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses.I am always on high heels and full make up on.Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. Alot of people ( females in general) pre-dislike me, unto they get to know me and find out that I'm a not stuck on myself at all.I'm the kind of person that only speaks if I have something to say and I keep my business to myself. Also most of other women group members think that i am stuck up and arrogant upper middle class snob. I feel like these women don't really like me. they are all in their 40s and 50s. The whole time I'm there I feel like I'm being disrespectful and rude because I didn't choose to be there. I'm not actively looking for help, although I have the utmost respect for people who realize there is a problem and are fixing it. Yesterday I complained to my caseworker probation officer about the situation with this woman chair person but she(my caseworker) got really mad and started yelling at me. Her exact words were "You arrogant snob. Are you feel there is inappropriate touching going on here? Or is this an opportunity to tell me how glamorous, sexy, well dressed, desirable and basically how hot you are and how you feel uncomfortable "slumming" with women how aren't as sophisticated,rich, gorgeous and worldly as you? Ego and arrogance at its best.What do you expect with your huge boobs your big ass your flashy clothes?" I don't know what to do? I am tired of laughing it off AND I am tired of apologizing, as if it is my fault that these two women chair person and ginger can't control themselves. The point is, it is not okay to violate anyone's privacy especially in such a physical way regardless of the circumstances. It is not okay to makes someone doubt themselves because of your own lack of propriety. (I do begin to question myself from time to time. Is there something about me that makes them think this behavior is ok? Is it something about my face? Do I give off "grope me" vibes to these two weird women?). I am not sure if it is because they think that because it is female on female that that somehow makes it okay. I don't know? But, let me say this, just because you are a woman does not make it okay for you to say hello that way.

I am so consumed with guilt.I didn't tell my husband about this.I was to ashamed.Also I can't talk to my husband about this because he is extremely jealous and possessive.He is going to blame me. i need to get through this. I only have 24 more meetings to go. I mean what's the worst that could happen? What am I supposed to do? Also these two weird old women (chair person and ginger) don't look threatening. They are both creepy and ugly but they are tiny,short and skinny women in their 50s. I can't just punch them in the face.I am physically stronger than them,they are short and skinny ,but i have never been in a fight my whole life.I am afraid of any kind of physical altercation. I can drive with an ignition interlock device. I have to keep the ignition interlock for a total of 12 months. The device cost less than 200 dollars to have installed. The monthly cost is 65 dollars and it cost 20 dollars per month to have it recalibrated. I am responsible for returning the old device each month which costs 3 dollars. But, at least i can legally drive, and for that, i am grateful. All in all, its really not that bad. Within my region this is the only all female AA group. It is on my work to home route.I am just stopping there on my way home from work. I don't want to go to mixed gender meetings because of my husband. He is extremely jealous. The ginger is worse than the chair person. Chair person randomly places her hands on my breasts and rubs them and slaps and grabs my ass usually after the meetings before she sings my paper. But the ginger has her hands all over me all the time. She is CONSTANTLY wanting to touch my breasts. When she gives me hugs she tries to bury her head into them. She will just randomly grab them. If im just standing there, and she'll walk by me and take a swipe at my butt. When I bend down within ten yards of her, she is right there, smacking or rubbing my butt. If I just stand there, she would stay there for a long time just feeling my breasts and squishing them or whatever. Also she will just full on grab my butt. The ginger says that because her face is at level with my breasts and I am rather large she finds touching, squeezing, rubbing, and patting them and resting her head on them comforting. She said that she finds great comfort doing this when she is stressed. It is all my fault. She thinks that my breasts are a readily-available source of comfort for her. She'll just grab them or lift them up when she's trying to be funny.Also she is CONSTANTLY slapping and rubbing my butt.She tells me that she is just showing appreciation for my curves. Also I think she is always grabbing, slapping and rubbing my ass to show dominance over me. It is so annoying. She acts like its all a big joke, laughs, etc. I make it clear I don't like it, but she acts like that's part of the joke, too. This woman the ginger considers herself "super-smart". She makes snide remarks to me for no specific reason.I have seen the ginger laughing with some malice at me, behind my back, when I ask questions that seem silly to her. She is very sarcastic. The other day she said to my face while squeezing my breasts that i am a stuck up overdressed cow and that my problem is that i feel i am from a higher class than other women AA members.She also will kind of...hold me from behind with her hands on my breasts very tightly in a way that I can't move, even when I'm trying to get away from her.

I've tried a few methods, from laughing about it to being serious, but I've concluded that you can't deal with this kind of person.The ginger is always commenting that i am so tall big and soft. I am quiet and afraid, I let her touch all over my body and speak about me as if I am not there, as if she is appreciating a piece of artwork in a gallery. 'Your breasts are so big and round.....wow...", "Oh my god how sexy." "You're so sexy". She speaks about me in a really pervy, disgusting way. She would switch between 'admiring' my body and then telling me that I am an arrogant stupid overdressed stuck up upper middle class snob. The chair person is more friendly than the ginger. She frequently invites me to have lunch or join her for feminist workshop . She texts me at random times to ask if she can drop by to say hello. But she rubs and strokes my breasts and rubs my ass talking about random stuff regularly. Although not as much as the ginger. Also she often hold hands with me when we are leaving walking to our cars. These two old short skinny creepy ugly women(ginger and chair person) are taking advantage of me, and i am afraid that they will just go even further. I try not to make a fuss over it. Okay, so at first I thought it was just a little phase they were going through and could laugh about it. Now, I am becoming so frustrated with them. I know other women in my group probably laugh at me behind my back because of this situation with these two women(chair person and ginger). One woman said to me that I make stupid faces while these two women chair person and ginger are groping me and touching me. She also said that it is bizarre that standing next to these women chair person and ginger I look like a giant and I let them get by with it. I just laughed and replied to this woman that we just have a weird bond like that. Other women in my AA group think that I am okay with it. I am towering over other women in my group. I just feel like such a failure. I feel like I am trapped in this situation and I don't know how to change it. I just feel hopeless. Why do I let this woman walk all over me? This has been eating at me. I feel like a failure. Should I feel ashamed of myself? I've never been in a fight. I was sucker punched one time in high school by a friend who incorrectly assumed I was talking crap about her but I was with a group of girl friends and chose not to fight back so I told her "let's handle it after school" but we were both pulled in to the office shortly afterwards and she was suspended. Nothing happened to me.I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should "man up", but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person. I am tired of laughing it off. The fact that i keep on laughing it off and not confronting these two touchy feely women(chair person and ginger) is probably not helping the problem. They probably feel like its now "ok" to do because their behavior has been "allowed" by me for multiple meetings without repercussion. Usually when these short, skinny, ugly, women ginger and chair person who shouldn't be touching me try to I just kinda let them do the groping touching, rubbing and hugging, but I basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly. I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.They are like 5ft3 tall skinny.I am always on high heels they are always in sneakers.Standing next to me they look like midgets but they are not intimidated by me.Why? This is getting worse. Why would I scream my head off if a man did it but I can't verbalize a succinct NO to these short skinny old women (chair person and ginger)? I just don't know how to go about it. Should I tell my husband? I want to tell him but I am afraid that he might get mad at me or something. He is controlling and very jealous. I need someone to talk to.I just want someone to talk to. I don't really know who.I understand that I am being a wimp.

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