Date:   3/9/2017 3:03:48 PM ( 7 y ago)
Hits:   825
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=2357804

I'm so sorry to read of your situation. You didn't mention any children, so it's a blessing if, in fact, there are no children involved in this relationship.

http://www.thehotline.com

http://www.familyarrested.com

http://www.crosswalk.com/family/marriage/step-off-the-jekyll-and-hyde-rollercoaster-ending-emotional-abuse-11601885.html

http://www.livestrong.com/article/74291-leave-verbally-abusive-relationship-forever/

https://www.breakthecycle.org/blog/leaving-emotionally-abusive-relationship

Ending a marriage with a disordered individual requires hitting the bottom of Life's barrel. When I realized that I simply didn't want to wake up, anymore, I determined to end my first marriage with an extremely abusive spouse. And, I produced children with this individual which made the whole process very, very ugly.

The websites and articles above are only 5 of hundreds of thousands on the subject of ending a toxic relationship. If it is a contract of marriage that must be dissolved, then it is strongly encouraged to seek individual counseling therapy to prepare for the break and recover (and, heal) from the traumas of 10 years with a narcissist. It's significant damage, too - it's something that we can overcome and process, but there has to be a deep commitment and tireless diligence to this endeavor. There is no one-and-done way to end a toxic relationship and recover from it.

One step at a time. First, I would encourage you to find a counseling therapist. Begin your sessions and start to prepare to leave.

Then, I would encourage you to make yourself as emotionally distant from this man as you possibly can - make yourself boring, unemotional, and NON-reactive. Narcissists do things to control other people - they get a sense of power if they can manipulate people, so no reaction shuts them down.

THEN - after starting counseling therapy, I would strongly encourage a consultation with the best divorce attorney that you can find. Call your regional Bar Association and ask for names of very focused divorce attorneys. Your attorney will advise you on the laws where you live and what you will (and, will not) be entitled to in the divorce. You can petition the Court to have the ex-husband pay some or all of your attorney fees, depending upon the laws where you live.

Finally, I would strongly caution you to avoid involving yourself in a "new" relationship until you are well and truly upon your individual healing path. This means, 2 years after your divorce is final, in my estimation. It takes that long just to identify whatever issues that we had to allow us to choose toxic partners (and, friends) in the first place.

This isn't easy. It isn't simple. It certainly isn't painless. But, severing a relationship with a narcissist and healing from that experience is one of the best things that an individual can do for themselves - there is a Good World out there with Good People. It doesn't have to be misery and fear. And, those things do not just disappear - we need experienced guides to help us to process the fear and misery and make room for a stronger, wiser, and more self-confident "Self."

Brightest blessings to you

 

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