Date:   3/4/2015 7:23:12 AM ( 10 y ago)
Hits:   3,117
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=2240417

Tigerlily23, I remember your posts from way back, and I am sorry that you're in such dreadful pain.

If you have just recently told your boyfriend about the abuses that you experienced, and this was the first time that you've ever disclosed the depths of the trauma that you experienced, then it may be helpful to step back, take a breath, and acknowledge that nobody would be able to "help" if they are left uninformed of the events.  If a client presents extreme anxiety and symptoms of PTSD, but doesn't say to the therapist from their own mouths, "I believe that I was raped," there is absolutely no way that any counselor can deduce that this is one of the traumatic events.  So, take a deep breath and forgive your first therapist for her humanity........

Yes, you've experienced trauma, and there is a bit more that you probably have not considered, but the sexual abuse is just part of the whole picture.  It would be in your own best interests to tell the next counselor everything.  I mean, everything.  This way, some of the catastrophic thinking can be defined and rewired.

And, Tigerlily23, it is very, very important for you (and, ALL trauma survivors) to realize and accept that recovery and healing takes time, patience, and personal work.  Your therapist will be able to guide you, but only you will be able to walk yourself onto your individual Healing Path.  There is no magic wand, medication, herbal remedy, Divine Lighning Bolt, or wishful thinking that is going to suddenly ZAP away the trauma, no matter what you read on these forums.  There is no cleanse, no ritual, and no single technique that is going to accomplish this.  And, you're either going to accept this fact, or you're not.

If it is of any help to you, I was finally released from my own therapy two days ago.  I've been involved in intensive therapy since 2011 and off-and-on before that.  I finally realized that I needed to be 100% honest about what I experienced, mistakes that I had made, and just about everything under the sun, including vengeance ideation.  Therapists are bound, BY LAW, to maintain strict client-therapist privacy, which means that they cannot discuss your sessions, your issues, or anything about you and your recovery with anyone, including colleagues.  They might ask colleagues for assistance, but names are not supposed to be mentioned, so you can tell your therapist ANYTHING.  They are also "supposed" to remain non-judgmental except in the areas of assessments, and that is not standing in judgment, but rendering a clinical diagnosis based strictly upon symptoms and so forth.

I am also reading a shit-ton of SHAME in your post, and shame is huge.  It's crippling, and it runs very, very deep.  There is a book that I'll suggest titled, "Healing The Shame That Binds You," by John Bradshaw.  You can find it on Amazon.com and it is WELL worth the money spent.  Bradshaw discusses the whole shame-core issue and gives incredible insight into how it got there, and how to dig it out.  I strongly recommend that you consider getting a copy of this book.

This is going to take time, Tigerlily23, and I don't know what the situation is with your boyfriend and there is no need to go into any details about that on this forum, but be advised that this is your personal journey and that he might "be there" to hold your hand and support and nurture you, and he might not.  There is no way to predict how your recovery and healing is going to progress or how he is going to respond to the you that has been buried beneath layers and layers of shame as you begin peeling those layers back to expose the beautiful pearl that is your core-Self - who you really are without fear, shame, guilt, etc..........

Best wishes to you, and I hope that you post back on a regular basis as you begin your recovery and healing processes. 

<< Return to the standard message view

fetched in 0.02 sec, referred by http://www.curezone.org/forums/fmp.asp?i=2240417