Date:   9/1/2004 11:48:19 PM ( 20 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=21912

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I was in a similar place with someone a long time ago..

The reason I offered advice is because I see similarities in the way you seem to be thinking about things.

I was always sort of offended when people mentioned codependency, but once I looked into it deeply, and tried to understand, it helped us out a lot.

We eventually split for other reasons, but creating an environment open to discussing the unhealthy factors in our relationship was golden.

There is no 'tit for tat' in my current relationships. I don't maintain any friendships because of what anyone has done for me. It's not a question of being ungrateful of insensitive.. in fact, a few have literally saved me from death.. It's a question of having healed and being able to have more functional relationships without unhealthy needs and illusionary obligations.

Please study codependency or get some therapy together if you plan on staying with this person. You happiness should not be tied into this person the way it is nor should it depend on 'what you owe them'. Nor should his..

That's codependant.

I speak from expeience.

Please look into this. there are great couples therepists in numerous disciplines.

If you are not here to get some advice and help, I'm not really sure why you asked the question.. or what you are asking rather.

there is no functional way to maintain a relationship with someone who is severely depressed and abusive toward you.

Healthy healed individuals don't ever say anything abusive to other human beings. ever. They treat all that they do themselves: with absolute love and adoration for the beautiful Being we all are.

Best of Luck to you guys,

b
 

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