Date:   7/7/2004 6:38:56 PM ( 20 y ago)
Hits:   21,848
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=21730

I've been clinically depressed, off and on, for the past few years, due to being predisposed to it genetically but brought on because of abuse from my soon-to-be-ex husband whom I left last November (went back for awhile, only coz of the kids, but couldn't take him one more second so I escaped when he finally went out one day).

Took only one of my kids with me coz the other three were out. Planned to get the other three when I could, but EX beat me to court and did an ex-parte temporary custody order. I didn't even know about it till after it happened. Had to send my other kid home to him. Heartbroken.

Trying to get divorce. Trying to get custody of my kids. Baby #5 due in August (not from EX). Want to marry father of baby (he's opposite of abusive, I know what to look out for now). Court is not going well. Things keep getting postponed. One of my kids (10 year old daughter) refuses to speak to me...sticks her tongue out at me, screams "Shut up!" at me when I try to talk to her, won't visit me, believes her dad's lies that I "abandoned them." She was my closest kid, a true kindred-spirit. She's still nice to everyone else, but hates me.

Tried to get counselling for me and daughter, in hopes of opening up a line of communication while in the presence of a neutral party. Counsellor said not to push it, just wait for her to "come around" or whatever, on her own. A 10-year-old needs guidance. She doesn't know HOW to come around on her own.

So depressed. So discouraged. On Zoloft, 50mg/day (supposedly safe for pregnant moms, took it during 4th pregnancy too). Feel like running out into the street and getting hit by a bus. No motivation. Tired all the time. Don't want to see people. Don't want to do anything but sit at the computer and read about divorce and custody and anything to do with how to get my kids back, begging for help. All my old friends in my old town have turned against me, believing EX's lies about me, and not forgiving me for having gone out and gotten pregnant (I KNOW that was wrong, but what's done is done, and I'm NOT continuing in that action.)

I am a Christian, love the Lord Jesus Christ, praying so much. Scared. Confused. Miserable. Desperate.

So... HOW do I get into a psychiatric ward? I don't feel safe with myself. I feel like I might collapse from the pressures of the past several months. Several people have said to me, "I don't know how you do it, how you survive and put up with all you're going through. You have a lot on your plate."

Well, I don't know how I do it either, and I don't know how much longer I will hold out. Something might be on the verge of breaking, with my limited knowledge of physical and mental processes.


 

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