Date:   4/22/2014 7:15:29 AM ( 11 y ago)
Hits:   1,975
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=2168443

0 of 0 (0%) readers agree with this message.  Hide votes     What is this?

aw as soon as you mentioned you cried throughout it, my heart melted. I bet I have helped 10,000 people directly plus those maybe who read things I spent so many hours posting but rarely know if I am helping people. I might spend 25 hours typing and looking up links etc for someone who does not even say a quick thanks back, so to know I am helping others helps me as really from a little girl I always felt the quest of my life was to help people and and I was very empathetic from the start. Doing this for so many hours a week for so long started burning me out and I had to cut back as I was not eating, sleeping and would cancel my plans to go out to a movie or something and I think maybe that inconsistency I applied to myself and negative emotions from a hard life contributed to me getting cancer. I have been feeling I need to try to turn some of that time and love back to me of late.

I definitely feel God was involved after reading what you said. Sometimes during reading your message it moved me also to tears..this line you wrote definitely made me cry

" I need a reason to go on. deep inside, I've been hoping for a quick heart attack to end the tears. so your kind and detailed info makes me feel like someone on this earth cares"

The reason we must go on despite the many hardships of life that often threaten to overwhelm us is not always known to us but we never know when that reason may be made known to us.

I very much identify with your feelings as I often feel noone cares and have battled with having suicidal thoughts for about 35 years.

It is very hard to go from the role of a mom to when our kids grow up and everything changes. When our kids are young we get such unconditional love from them but as they age and into adulthood many times they can be very critical. When they are little they need us so much and this helps us have a lot of meaning to our life.

I know this is a hard time, I cannot even imagine the pain of losing a child. My oldest son almost died three times in youth and once as a college age kid and was nearly kidnapped once way back in about '78 before we were really aware such things were happening. He was only about 5 but his quick wits and actions saved him thank God.

I have experienced the thing I think you have eluded to twice and that is also hard but I feel nothing could compare to the deep pain and trauma of losing one child perhaps to someone you know who was abusive or maybe to a stranger and how unimaginable that would be and the intense feelings it would engender.

It i very difficult to understand why these things happen but it is o that God can make all things work for good to those who love God and are fitting into His plans as we often blame go and question the huge amount of pain in the world and in the lives of ourselves and others but God puts some limits on his power

1 he cannot do anything evil
2 he does not suspend his natural laws
3 he allows free will

The last two lead to much of the pain in life. Maybe we got cancer because some guy threw dangerous chemicals in the environment to make money and the natural law is if the body is exposed to this chemical, it causes cancer or in your case the free will of someone violated the rights and lives of you and your kidnapped son.

Someday you will see him again never to be separated in a better place but do not do anything to hasten this time.
sometimes people care and we do not realize it..for decades I thought my sister did not care about me at all due to things she did or did not do and harbored a lot of resentment, hurt and anger over it.

I debated for 5 weeks whether to tell my two sisters or not who I have not seen for 5 years about my cancer. When I told them something urgent was happening and I needed to talk to them as soon a possible they replied with an email that briefly said they were too busy and maybe they could see me in a month or so. I was very upset with this reply (they did not know I had cancer but I expressed this is not regular stuff but imperative I speak with you.

I was mad and wrote a letter but did not send it and later circumstances of a misdialed phone number lead to them seeing me a day after I asked the 2nd time..when I got to the I have aggressive cancer part, my sister expressed guilt as they apparently thought it was something less serious than cancer and must have talked behind my back and decided together to reply as they had..when they said let's pray and we help hands, I notice my sister's hand trembling and then she burst out crying..it was then I realized that she did care after all and I thanked god aloud for her crying as it made me realize she cared and my other sister also had a tear..they turned out to be way more supportive than I thought they also gave me some money to buy some of the alternative things I could not afford to try to help me save my life so all this time I thought they could care less but when push came to shove, they did care.

I would not be surprised if there are people in your life that might care at least a little more than you thought..nowadays people are often selfish and too busy. what better use of our time than caring about others as we night with others to care for us in own own hour of need.

If that is not a purpose what it..I have been struck by the fact that I have despite my poverty and loneliness and being a bit of a loner and nonconformist that I have had so many experiences and an interesting life and when I consider the many many people I have shared somewhere from a second or two encounter to a lifetime, how many people I have interacted with at least briefly in this life.

I recall once talking to a man who had told me his dad was so cruel he used to make him put his hands on the table and smash it with a hammer and once he pounded nails into his son's hands. The man was very depressed and it was Thanksgiving and he said he had just had a cold turkey sandwich alone. He stated if he died no one would care. I told him if that was true than he had to care for others then.

I told him that in an instant we can make a difference in the lives of others..maybe just a smile at the right time or a pat of a dog's head or a small act of kindness or fighting for a cause we and others held dear or just a wide assortment of things even praying for things like help for those with a sickness or homeless people or kids without parents etc

Our purpose may be large or small but the value we attach to what we do and will do in his life is a purpose that may not be grand and easily defined but so important.

As a teenager in the 60s I was very inspired by a book president JFK wrote called profiles in courage and that book and its content about having moral courage changed how I reared my kid and lived my life. I used to memorize the speeches of an idol of mine back them,.,.Bobby Kennedy who so inspired me and one of the ones I never forgot is one to live by.

He spoke of one man making a difference and though few had the greatness to bend history itself in the sum total of the diverse acts of this generation would be our history and future. How enmass we could make a difference and he said this.

“Each time a man stands for an ideal, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current which can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance.”

Powerful words and this, my friend, is a reason to go on for all the good you do and have done and will do in the world for we all have many gifts and talents and make a difference for better or for worst.

If you need something more defined, consider volunteering with some group of people or activities that you care about whether kids, the elderly, the sick, animals, the environment or whatever. when we feel alone, we must remember although god seemed a million miles away sometimes, He promised to stick closer than a brother and to always love us. so many ha given up on me I guess but God sometimes shows himself. He answered some prayers miraculous for me lately and never holds our sins and failings against us.

Your son in college still needs you just in a different way. I am sure your other son never forgot you and the love he felt from you. I wish things had been otherwise for you as it is a very sad story. We feel lost I think when our roles as mom held for so long changes. But life does go on. Part of it is our son;s will eventually find someone else to lavish their time on but that does not man they do not love us.

I am so glad my detailed post helped you..I always try to give as much info as I can if I have time incase my life does not brush with someone again so they have what they need should they  want to apply any of it etc

I do understand pain and have neuropathy and some days it is excruciatingly painful On top of it the parasthesia on my foot feels like it is in a vise I am never away from the numbness and pain even when I lie down to sleep. It is hard.

I have not stuck with anything for diabetes or neuropathy but I would consider taking gota kola tincture (herbpharm sells one). I also made but do not take much Dr Christopher's 9 herb nerve formula which I posted in the schizophrenia forum under Dr Christopher in the title. I got a bad batch of valerian and the thing stinks so bad it is hard to take it to be honest.

I also had gestational diabetes and this is a precursor to getting diabetes later in life. Also large babies. My oldest was 9 lbs 5 oz

I appreciate so much your prayers on my behalf and I do believe in the power of prayer. I was told by two doctors I had triple negative breast cancer so since progesterone and estrogen negative I doubt that formula you linked to will help though one Dr thought I was very weakly estrogen sensitive (5%). Not sure who is right. so though this might help the 85% of the women whose breast cancer is hormone positive this might helped but 15% are not typical and are negative. I do though have a natural progestone cream maybe I could try ? I ma post menopausal and never really had menopause symptoms but some hot flashes in perimenopause so never really needed it.

I have been consuming a lot of garlic.I do have something called mag active I never opened so I opened it and applied to my feet. check out the site of Dr Christopher for neuropathy and neuritis (herballegacy.com)'

That is great about the cayenne this herb and garlic are two the most helpful it seems. Wish I liked it better.

Oh in relooking at your message I did not realize this kidnapping happened so recently omg this is horrible. aw I wish there was something I could do to help. Maybe support group with other parents in similar straights might be of help. Only time will lesson the pain a little though something like this one will never get over I would think, I am so sorry this happened to you and your family.


I am so sorry for your grief but please do not wish to die to end the pain as this is why I think I got my cancer in part..I was constantly saying and feeling I wish I was dead and even praying for death but now that doctors pronounce death on me without their treatments I do not in any way want to die. I want to try to chance my life and I ant to maybe cure myself so I can help others do the same..I am hoping my cancer will lead to a mission or at least help me change my negative thinking, an decide to be happy, forgive, be grateful, and trust god all things I am not good at.

Maybe once you get a little better, God will help you and some other parent help each other as you both share that unique pain. Or maybe you will never heal from that raw wound in this lifetime but in the next life it is a place with no tears and pure love. We will come face to face with love. But we must be strong and make it till the end of our lives. Run the race before us. I am sorry if this sounds bad or something as who can know the pain of this that has happened to you but you. I am not meaning to sound insensitive if that is what is coming across as I do feel deeply for you. Not much in life worst than that imo.

Those whose life is hard or who feel utterly alone are so appreciative of some kindness sent their way ..that is how I am at least. I am luckily blessed with a big heart and have been told by people who spoke with me that I am kind and nice. I feel this is one of the things I can be proud of far more than being thin or rich etc.

Those who are kind, who make the time in a time strapped world are I think getting harder to find. and I appreciate you telling me I was kind and that it helped you feel someone cares. although we do not realize it I think people do care.  when I had a oriel day with a jerk of a surgeon who spent the whole session  putting me down and being rude, inspective and arrogant and a general jerk..God sent 3 strangers to me while yet in the hospital building to be kind and it really really helped me. One had kind words and concern in her voice..one gave me a few hugs when I started crying and one talked to me at length and felt I should stay on the alternative path and that I had a mission to accomplish at the end of this path.

The doctors I have seen recently are awful..the nurse was utterly cold hearted when I called sobbing and saying I don't want to die when they suddenly canceled my surgery days before and some things and said to me someone pleading for them not to cancel my surgery and make me start all over as this could kill me if it spreads before I find someone said I must want to die or I would have done every single things the doctors said to do,..

I am glad I was your Easter angel..better than candy and the Easter bunny lol.

So this is a sign coming on Easter for new life for you so please go out there and make it happen as you can do it, you really can..despair no more pray, act and look for the good in life as it is there though maybe harder  to find and focus on..harder at least for me.

God bless you sweetie..yes juicing is wonderful..the juice fasting made my blood sugar come way down.











 

<< Return to the standard message view

fetched in 0.02 sec, referred by http://www.curezone.org/forums/fmp.asp?i=2168443