Date:   4/18/2014 2:06:35 AM ( 10 y ago)
Hits:   3,938
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=2167305

my handle is an old name which relates to my music more than anything. it is cynic yeah, but if you experienced all this wouldnt you be cynical? it was originally a shortened nickname for synthetic... which relates to the electronic music i compose.

anyway, hate me. judge me. fine. i guess i have burned out any one on here's desire to offer any more help for me. in fact, im practically certain if i were someone like you and i read someone like my posts i would hate me the same thinking something like : ''dumb kid. pathetic addict. stop whining and fix yourself.''
yeah. well. ive explained myself and i think i know i am pathetic and useless but crap who wouldnt be having gone through this hell?


bleh. anyway, i know everything i should do but as i explained in this initial post, i do far WORSE trying to help myself than just giving in to indulgences and then helping myself halfway. if you were 21 years old and started getting severe heart like spasms combined with crazy insane pains and aches which you never felt before in your LIFE and when you went to seek medical help all they did was tell you that you probably have mental problems and nothing is wrong... how would you react? how would anyone? of course i fought for yearss and years, tests after tests, fighting the hating doctors disbelief, fighting my familys disbelief... but my age and blood results and rudimentary tests yield nothing so they conclude im just wasting their time.

so what do you do after that? then your symptoms just progress getting worse and worse down to the most horrific and awful symptoms you could ever imagine? when i first experienced these problems i wanted to completely change my life and just try to fix myself. no more partyiing. no more a alcohol. eating healthy. etc. though i had no idea about gmos, gluten intolerance, tap water or any of the other toxic crap i was still flooding my body with at this point. its taken me 10 years to educate myself about it all and its just too late so i will die in rage and disgust and regret i guess.

nowdays, im sure when this happens to 21 year olds (or younger) they instantly suggest to them to try modifying their diets. i really believe gmos and gluten intolerance may have been the culprit all along but they never knew that a decade ago. you couldnt even find information about the kind of things i was experiencing a decade ago.

no one should have to suffer like this and die slowly at a young age completely disregarded and disbelieved by the medical system. it leads people to give up and give in to simply self medicate until they cause irreversible damage to themselves and develop systemic autoimmune disease or weakened immunity or a myriad of other problems. it is completely screwed.


good things ive been doing :

ive began taking apple cider vinegar daily, im eating lots of artichokes and other organic produce and i am avoiding dairy and bad fats, only using coconut oil. drinking is miniscule and for the past week i only had one 6 pack of gluten free non gmo beers, drinking 2 every other day. i have Epsom Salts and organic coffee grounds for enemas but these kinds of extreme cleanses truly scare the crap out of me. i drank some organic smooth move peppermint/licorice tea earlier and pushed a ton of stools out of me but still there is not much relief. i am about to go to the hospital i guess and try my luck once again. they will probably just take some blood to do a panel7 liver test and then send me away as im pretty sure it will still look normal.

i dont want aa help. i dont buy into any of that crap and i have been to aa many many times. i will never accept a 'higher power' or that i was 'helpless'. i dont agree or buy into any of it. other than the insomnia, i also do not have a problem abstaining from drinking, i simply do it because it is the only thing that gives any relief in this life for me. i would never switch to taking antipsychotic meds and antidepressants and/or benzos which is the only help the system offers. i would never do this because i have seen first hand how terrible stuff like seroquel and ambien and abilify and all that can be for someone. i have a close online friend who has worse insomnia than me, and she has taken all that crap and more and now has widespread body pains, crippling brain fog and even morgellons type full body rash. she is the same age as me and probably just as dead. this is whats happening to younger people now.

our future generations are going to be filled with autoimmune disease and other terrible problems. it is intolerable. but no one will care until they get 'sick'. in $$$ we trust. $$$ bless america, land of the sheep. land of the slaves. *vomit* in my last thoughts i will hate this world and simply hope that it burns. i used to be so idealistic, and i am still somewhat future-positive but i was killed off by this era of unnatural selection. now i have become a mixture of cynicism, idealism, and regret fueled with rage and disgust. my life is simply suffering... unless im partying/escaping, then i have the most positive happy attitude of anyone i know... so happy to be alive, if not just for just one more night. heh. peace.


 

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