Date:   1/26/2014 10:15:41 AM ( 10 y ago)
Hits:   6,714
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=2144710

1 readers agree with this message.  Hide votes     What is this?

I'm sorry that your daughter in this toxic relationship, and BlueRose is spot-on about your limitations.  Perhaps, some more details might be helpful as per suggestions.  Is she living at home, or does she have her own place?  Is she gainfully employed, or is she finishing a degree?  What are the sociopathic behaviors that you're observing? 

The insight that you typed is very true:  pointing out this man's bad behaviors, decisions, and choices are only going to push her to "save" this guy, even further.  You can validate your daughter's feelings without saying a bad word about the man by responding, "I would feel the same way if someone had done that to me."  This is a non-judgmental response that will "allow" your daughter to begin seeing this guy for what he is.  She's going to have to come to her own conclusions, even if she has to experience the pain of learning that lesson.  Certainly, we want to protect even our adult children from harm, but we simply do not have that kind of power or control - we learn hard and cruel lessons by experiencing them. 

This also factors in your own boundaries.  You, and your husband, need to be on the same page where this is concerned.  The spath's objective is to divide families, friends, coworkers, business associates, etc., for their own purposes, and it is vital that you both discuss your feelings about this man with one another, in private, and approach the issue with a decision that you will not be pulled into the drama/trauma of your daughter's choices.  This might be painful for you both, at first, but you'll each learn how to maintain your individual boundaries without anger or frustration, in due time. 

Now, if your daughter's safety is in question, there are things that you can certainly do - if this man is abusive, options that you can explore are available at www.thehotline.org.  But, keep in  mind, even if you can see abuse, your daughter may not be ready to accept that she's being abused, yet, and you have no control over that, either.

A couple of blog sites to visit:

www.180rule.com

www.familyarrested.com

Both of the sites, above, offer a font of information, discussion, and "safe" place to discuss concerns, ask questions, and vent.

My best wishes for you, your husband, and your daughter. 

<< Return to the standard message view

fetched in 0.02 sec, referred by http://www.curezone.org/forums/fmp.asp?i=2144710