Date:   11/14/2013 12:34:34 AM ( 12 y ago)
Hits:   4,661
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=2124014

I know this sounds like an easy question but I'm confused and very scared and I need some other opinions.

I have always been very strong against the idea of cheating on my partner. I don't tolerate it from others either. This isn't something i just say, I think the concept is disgusting and would never do that.

I'm in a 13 year relationship and started working as an assistant to a man. We worked in his office just the two of us. When I met him I felt nothing for him. I was not attracted and he wasn't my type. Plus, I've always been shut down to every man when I'm in a relationship.

When I started working for him almost immediately I felt an overwhelming attraction. More than that, I immediately started to develop strong emotional feelings for him. He was a nice guy who treated me well but that's it. He had two girlfriends who he always lied to and cheated on. I learned he shot up drugs I also learned and he also was about to go to prison for 5 years for selling drugs, his 25th arrest in 20 years. I also want a family with kids and he absolutely didn't want that as his vasectomy illustrated. He wasn't just not my type, he wasn't anyone's type.

I felt these things immediately but it was a month before he got me alone in his house. Again, overwhelmed with desire, plus the fact that I felt I was falling in love with him and we began a 2 month affair. From that day we had sex regularly, usually in his office.

I couldn't understand it. Not only was this contrary to everything I believed in, the feelings we're stronger than I thought possible. I tried to resist but couldn't make myself stop. I hated what i was doing but at the same time I was doing exactly what I felt I wanted to do.

Then I learned something that explained everything.

From the first day or two on the job my boss was putting a chemical into my drink every day. I won't share the name because I don't want to give that info to potential predators but this is a research chemical in the drug category "empathogenic". Chemically it is closes to MDMA or Ecstasy. Please trust me this is not some CIA urban legend type of BS, this is the real deal. I've researched this a lot at this point and this is what I've learned about this chemical.

What this chemical does is makes your body/brain release the same same chemicals that it does when you feel love and attraction. Just like amphetamines release chemicals that make you feel energy or sedatives release chemicals that make you feel relaxed, this drug releases chemicals that make you feel love and attraction. This is not a small effect as this drug can cause these chemicals to be released stronger than they can in the natural world. In a very real sense, when your brain is flooded with these chemicals you feel a stronger feeling of love for whatever person you are with at that moment than you have ever felt for anyone ever.

I have since learned that he has told people "I use this any time I'm with a girl I want to f***. It works every time.". It is only natural that this works because a woman's sex drive is so connected to her emotions. When you are feeling in love the sexua| attraction is at its strongest. It's overpowering. This is what happened to me.

The reason its so confusing is because of these drugs. I cant wrap my head around the idea that I was raped because every time I wanted to have sex with him. How can that be rape if it wasn't forced? Emotionally that's how it still feels.

Intellectually I know that the only reason I wanted to was because he did something without my knowledge that made we want something I never would have ever wanted and make me choose to do something I would never have done.

Please help. Please tell me if I was raped.

 

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