Date:   4/18/2013 5:45:46 AM ( 11 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=2056488

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This, in a previous response there were some concerns expressed as to what proper parenting techniques were.

Certainly, parents have an enormous impact upon the systems of beliefs and "Self-isms" that a child is raised with and how they develop, accordingly. However, having typed that, if I do something that I know is illegal, it's not because I was raised in a dysfunctional environment - it's a clear choice. I can choose to pay for an item at the checkout, or attempt to shoplift and pay the consequences if I'm caught. My parent's have nothing to do with this choice.

However, I thoroughly agree that horrible childhoods need to be addressed by the adult child who is carrying "undeserved" issues. The best way to shed that shame, guilt, anger, and rage is to engage in strong counseling therapy with a professional that "gets it." Embarking on "Inner Child" work is a very grievous, painful, and ugly challenge, but the results can be phenomenal, in due time.

You've expressed some intense anger towards your parents, and this is "normal" and "allowed," but that anger can develop into a crippling obsession: we seek retribution and accountability, and it just is not forthcoming. We seek validation, unconditional love, acceptance, and approval from others because the people whom we (as children) were OBLIGATED to trust to meet our needs dropped the proverbial ball. This is very dangerous water to tread because this "neediness" leaves us open to all manner of predators and abusers.

I strongly urge you to give the option of counseling therapy some serious consideration. Doing the hard work and recovering from your experiences will not only shed you of the childhood issues, but it will help you to construct and maintain strong boundaries with everyone, regardless of whom they might be.

Best wishes to you
 

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