Date:   9/29/2012 4:57:16 AM ( 12 y ago)
Hits:   895
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1991178

of danger has gotten me into danger later in life..

Basically just posting this i dont know if theres any reason to see experts or talk to a therapist or something i am getting on with life but im not sure what they are good at or if they can solve issues with personalitys my main concern is i feel like i am coasting through life with zero effort and inability to not get used or make substantial relationships with friends.. after having kindergarten to year 7 of my life with .. a 'best friend' it turned later that i guess he was narcistic but i was getting dragged down and made fun of and abused i cant remember how often it was but it was alot, i was always feel like the lesser person for some reason .. anyway this friendship was carried on due to feeling stuck with them at school and going to a christian school i was bombarded with all that god stuff and probably thought at the time i would be ok but later in life i feel like i might be damaged some how .. i am a shy person but i hide it even later in life come college i always managed to get used somehow ..
but the while this was happenining in primary school years i never told my mum because i use to have to go to his house after school because she worked and i couldnt stay home alone so i didnt say anything because i didnt want her to have to worry

later in life i came along in reflection now another narcistic friend who is a massive pot smoker, anyone over time they dragged me down.. i think i may be a bit of asbergers i wont go into it but its not severe but i always assume the best in people.. its a curse ..
,now i cant see a true friendship through a false friendship and i just shut everyone out,
but anyway through the course of being friends with this person i put up with some shit but anyway came to realise how much of an ass they were and stopped seeing them.. they sent me a text tonight asking what i was doing but im not going to reply because they are too much of a selfish ass they dont even realise that the fk people over anyway i ended up smoking alot because of being friends with this person i dont know how much they smoke but its probably every day.. it was a college friend but since college ended i didnt see them that much and started hanging out with them again and thats when i think they got pretty dependant on weed but anyway i got dragged down and used without seeing it pretty much had a break down there were other things going on at this time that caused me to go out of hand (had candida form being on Antibiotics for Acne for a few years.. had injury and had to take strong Antibiotics anyway had bleeding skin after taking the Antibiotics all kinds of pain couldnt urinate without being in a bath.. ye pretty rank i wont go into detail but i was in a world of pain and shock.. basically antibiotics let yeast infections flourish so with my stupidity i just gave in at this time and saw that friend way more and smoked a hell of a lot because of the anger and pain.. frustration with medical system anyway too much to go into but i had my reason i thought my thing was gonna drop off lol antibiotics brought on so much shit and the weed made matters worse because the lows were so bad and the things going on in my body at the time were just all kinds of weird)(feel odd writing for this because in no way to i feel my pain is that bad.. i have coped with it i dont want to come across as a whinger or something but i think i have issues that i need to adress) but anyway im wondering if there are any info, spiritual things anything ways to meditate or what have you to strengthen / change your spirit personality because i think since childhood i have been damaged in a way and my main weakness is kindness and even if i just say hey i wont be as kind anymore i still somehow managed to get used or manipulated.. and even relationships i dont see one happening any time soon because i dont even love myself to even think of seeing someone else at all .. not even friends anymore.. Im not good at conveying information but hopefully someone will understand the things i have written and have some info or advice.. thankyou :)

 

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