Date:   9/18/2012 8:22:16 AM ( 12 y ago)
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URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1986722

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Neveragain, I am truly sorry to read of your experiences and situation.  The teenaged son sounds as if he's not only out of control, but likely has a "personality disorder."  The wife is in complete denial and a willing accomplice to the son's choice of behaviors.

The question you asked was how a man controls such a situation.  The answer is:  he doesn't.  The only person over which you have control is yourself, your choices, and your actions.  You're being abused, on every level, and this is not uncommon, Neveragain.  Men typically do not report violence or abuse, simply because of the raw stigma of, "Whassa matter with you?  Can't you get a handle on the little woman?"  The abuse and violence is transcending generations as is clear with the teenaged son's behaviors - it's cycling and the only end to that cycle is to report the abuse, get help with a strong counseling therapist, and get the hell out.  Nobody is going to magically "change" or "get better" in these dynamics.  It's only going to get worse.  And, I promise you that the teenaged son who is already violent could very easily resort to murder because he is fully supported by his abusive mother.

I would stronly urge that you contact your local domestic violence hotline, consult a well-recommended legal divorce "specialist," engage in individual counseling therapy with someone that "gets it," and begin documenting every event that happens, including your own responses, actions, and reactions.  This documentation log must be 100% objective.  It should be kept in a notebook or journal and on your person, at all times.  Included in this log will be dates, times, behaviors, quotes, and your own reactions - this means that you record even those things that won't necessarily paint you as a saint - it MUST be 100% accurate and truthful.  This log will be useful to your counseling therapist and divorce specialist (in the event that you choose to end this contract of marriage). 

It is vital to understand that you are being victimized, Neveragain.  Abuse against men by women is grossly underestimated and under-reported.  Please, don't allow fear of stigma to interfere with your recovery and healing. 

To find your local domestic violence agency and other resources, please visit:  www.ndvh.org

I've survived two marriages to sociopaths, and the first one was violent and abusive.  The second one.....well, we just won't go there, right now.  But, I can share this one truth with you that is a static:  abuse of ANY kind never goes away.  It just evolves and continues to cycle.

Best wishes to you

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