Date:   2/1/2012 1:20:05 AM ( 12 y ago)
Hits:   2,380
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1905523

My absence of malice is how I was able to see the result of their presence of malice. Yes, eerie for sure - but typical of my life. Nothing much has ocurred that could be considered normal in my life until I changed my perspective, my thinking...

It is unusual to have so many examples - I have lived long enough to have more than one man, and each was a lesson for me, each was "not okay" in his own skin and visited upon me that which NO ONE deserves - yet I was victorious in finding the life lesson in it for me, while they went to their destiny...we do reap what we sow, and while I found my part - oh yes, I could have done things differently, could have not married, or not married so soon, or not neeeeded them so badly to feel complete. If I had know better/other I would have done better/other!! It required serious self- examination, honest appraisal. It is so easy to establish who is at fault - every one is responsible, but no one is to blame. If I expect well behavior from sick people, what then is wrong with me? What IS, is.

After nearly a decade alone I am fine within my own life - and after much self-recrimination finally forgave self and others, and walk free...

Nothing was as horrific, no relationship involving alcohol, drugs, domestic violence, NONE did so much damage as the long-time friend turned lover then husband, who was also sober like myself 20 years ago, where a beautiful trust was established and then it crashed and tore my guts open when his "secret" was revealed - his long standing sexua| addiction that I was completely, unfairly unaware of spun me to divorce and back to battle alcohol for another ten years. I recently celebrate this last decade sober again!!! THIS is what it was all for... an even greater depth of peace for me, even more acceptance of life on life's terms, and less willing to be anywhere but in this day. Do what you must, but let this experience make you better, not bitter...I know your need, know the confusion of betrayal, know the chaos - I also know how much you have been here for others on this forum -now it is your turn to be ministered to...the good you have sent is coming back to you.

seek2clean


 

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