Date:   10/3/2011 7:14:09 PM ( 13 y ago)
Hits:   3,397
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1865155

Is it fair to say I just no longer want to be a part of destructive communication, and just move on?

I had a weird interaction with a friend lately who I’ve known for about 6 years. Lately, I see her maybe every other month at most. Not really close but have shared a lot in the past.

So weeks ago, we had a lunch during a work day. We were just blabbing about stuff in our lives during lunch, nothing of great substance, and about 10 mins before she had to leave I realized she had had something big on her mind which she had wanted to talk about but never mentioned until the last moment. But she had to go and I invited her to talk later.

After I arrived back at work, she sent me an email accusing me of being an uncaring and thoughtless friend. There was more to it... nasty. I felt pretty broadsided and after a day or two I sent her an email at home saying I would be happy to talk in person, I cared about her very much, and I would prefer not to use work email for personal discussions (she lives close by… why not just give me a call? ).

I didn’t respond to any of the substance in the email for many reasons… I suppose in hindsight she was looking for “oh my dear let me hug and make you feel better” type of thing, but I just felt stung by her accusations.

So I heard nothing for weeks, and recently received a long voicemail from her, with even more accusations. The voicemail basically said that ‘only someone with a lot of agression and anger could act the way I did…’, so she “was calling to see what we could discuss and if she could find out what I was thinking and why I was acting in such an aggressive and uncaring way….. ” OWWWWW.

Taking a step back, I think I will call her and say something to the tune of: I care about her and talk briefly about the facts of the day, and see if we can move on from that.

Otherwise I feel she is going to try this awful destructive faux-psychologizing (her assuming my thoughts, feelings or motives), which I choose not to take part in. [ In my mind, this whole interaction is a “problem” that doesn’t even exist, except perhaps she felt she wasn’t getting enough attention on the day, and her attacking could be her way of trying to get it?]

Unfortunately, the detail of what was said in these attacks have been so hurtful and out-of-line that I want to distance from her. I can forgive but feel pretty wary after several attacks.

Constructive comments welcomed!

 

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