Date:   7/18/2011 2:30:42 AM ( 13 y ago)
Hits:   1,906
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1836382

dear say 414,

i hear you, i hear you about the anger. and i hear you when you say "I just can't find a way to accept it, and honestly, I don't want to. It shouldn't have happened."

in dealing with my own anger about living alone with fibromyalgia pain beyond pain, and the two-by-four hits in the head and cascading migraines from any kind of perfume exposure i can say - when i said "i don't want to accept it" i couldn't. my mom used to say, "can't never could." i'm angry she died of freaking hep c and the freaking "mistake" of the doctors of leaving a shunt in after her liver transplant.... leading to her death. but if i refuse to accept the reality of it, i won't. i can't. and if i can't accept it, then i'm condemned to be tortured by the anger (i don't know about you, but anger is torture beyond what i need with everything else).

so with most compassion of knowing how it is unfair to live with pain - of having docs try to 5150 me because it must be in my mind, etc - a common story for so many of us - with all the compassion i have for your anger and lack of acceptance i want to share with you -- the first step to letting go of the anger and moving on to healing, really healing, is to get to acceptance.

i hope this is helpful, it may not be what you want to hear, but it is the only thing that worked for me.

if i can accept fact (i can't change it so i might as well accept reality) then i can focus on gathering strength and information and tools to find solutions. and i will - i refuse to be a prisoner of my illnesses - i refuse to barely survive, i insist on life.

anger: my friend had me hit her bed with a tennis racket and rage for hours until my hands were bloody with blisters. believe it or not, i felt better. rage, yes. anger yes. and i screamed and yelled and cried and then i moved on.

because i can. because my mom said can't never could and i refuse to believe i can't live a better life. i refuse. then they win. then the pain wins. and i'm too pissed to let the pain win. therefore i'm willing to give up the anger and mnove to acceptance, even if only a minute a day until i can get to enough acceptance to move past the pain, one day, one minute at a time.

not accepting it and being angry at it for me, means i can't move to solution. and i'm all about solution. the freaking fibro does not get to win. the mcs and the stupid people with their fabric softener and perfume and the government that refuses to regulate these toxins - they don't get to win. i do. i accept being the winner over that one.

sending love and light from a stranger who knows - at least a bit - how you feel --

xoxoxo

 

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