Date:   6/18/2011 10:40:18 AM ( 13 y ago)
Hits:   1,941
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1825619

Hi Aram,
I am sorry that your relationship is so painful for both of you. Unhealthy love can be consuming. A healthy relationship consists of two people who are whole within themselves and can happily exist alone, choosing to be together. If that is not the case, the relationship will not be healthy. I suspect that you and your partner grew up with role models who did not love in a healthy way. We model how we love as adults with how we watch our parents show love to one another. Simply put, we may learn that love hurts. As in all addictions, a love addict can only recover when they obstain from the object of their addiction/affection. If neither one of you knows how to love the right way you may both be confusing love with parasitic neediness. And when you are both whole, you may find that you have little in common. It is always possible that you could come back together with a healthy relationship, but that is so far in your future that it cannot be your immediate focus if you truly want to heal. The process of healing is hard, long, and painful; it requires that you focus entirely on yourself. I have been where you are and I can promise you hope that if you truly want to heal you can heal. Many addictions cannot be cured; with focus and the right help this one can. It sounds to me like therapy might be an integral part of getting to the root of both of your problems. If you don't get help, you will likely repeat this painful pattern over and over in your life. I recommend mustering up the courage and choosing healing. You will not regret it. Please stay in touch and let me know how you are doing.

Randi G. Fine
 

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