Date:   2/18/2011 11:49:10 PM ( 13 y ago)
Hits:   2,624
URL:   https://www.curezone.org/forums/fm.asp?i=1772225

Hi say414,

I know exactly how you feel. Now and then I feel anger...and I can't help to think of WHY. And of course it's not good for my energy level.

Lately I learn to cope with it. Trying to remember that anger sometimes is a good teacher to teach me lessons.Yupe, this is hard and bitter lesson, but it's still a good lesson.

I realize that all this illness and fatigue (helplessness esp) shows me things which are right and wrong. Yes, we are human beings which have control, and no, it's not an unlimited control. This is imperfect world, so yeah, bad things happened to good people and good things happened to bad people. To believe the other way round is fallacy. Idealism is not always suit the realism. Hey, now that I found out the truth, let the truth set me free. So instead of wondering one side of the coin, I look at the other side of the coin and count my blessings.

Maybe it's difficult to see, so maybe I can give a bit of example here. It's not fair that I've been trying to do good and find myself in such a mess. True. Let's see the other side of the coin: My life is such a mess, and yet, I can still enjoy several 'luxury' that others may not. It's not fair either, both sides count. I count my blessings. If I can eat (cause there are times I couldn't eat), if I can sleep and nobody tried to wake me up(many times I'm insomniac). When my hubby helps me with housework (other hubby would have demand their wives to do it). I can still read some good book (there are times I can't function at all). I can take my shower though fast (there are times I can't). I can still laugh sometimes (despite the tears of frustration). I am grateful I am still alive, though I am not even a quarter the person I used to be (in terms of activities btw).

I learn to make the most of my remaining life. Instead crying and angry over spill years, I ponder what makes life counts in the end. And boy I am glad that achievement and performance are not what count in the end. But a life lived meaningfully does. I know this is easier to say than done, but if you can find life meaningful without any performance or achievement, I would say you are free.

And if today I have a bit of energy, I rather spent it on healing efforts instead of regretting the past. It's now and the future that counts, not the past.

Hope you find your peaceful path to healing. Enjoy the journey:)

ERM
 

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